Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My new snark idol

Meet Zoe Williams.

So sad. I have a sudden surge of sympathy for the man. He said at the time, "I'm lucky to have found a good woman who is strong like Linda". He went on and on, actually, about how "good" Heather Mills was, which always sounded a bit morally self-regarding, as if the more often you assert the goodness of another person, out loud, the more you ram home your own qualifications as an arbiter of such things. Oh, I've changed my mind again. Maybe he is an ass, after all.

Anyway, they announced their engagement really quite soon, which is when it was reported that Paul and Linda's three children - Stella, Mary and James - disliked Heather. This is uncharacteristic of Stella, particularly, since whenever you see a picture of her, anywhere at all, she is always holding hands with somebody. She absolutely loves humanity! She wants to hold its ha-a-aa-a-and.

Congrats, Johnny Borrell

You've joined my very prestigious list of people who need, for the love of the Baby Jesus, shut the hell up.

1. Bono
2. Gwyneth Paltrow
3. Katie Couric
4. Chris Matthews
5. Jamie Foxx (because of his extremely icky album. No double entrendre was left unmolested)
6. Johnny Borrell

Seriously, the latest addition pains me. I really like Razorlight.


Oh. My. God.

MACCA DIDN'T HAVE A PRENUP? ARE YOU JOKING ME?

WHEN Paul McCartney wed Heather Mills in 2002 he decided against a prenuptial deal to keep his £825million fortune.

The couple said they were "too in love" to think about it.

But if they eventually divorce, Lady McCartney could walk away £200million richer.

Y'all, I think I could marry a guy in his 60's if I knew I could potentially walk out of the marriage with approximately 380 MILLION DOLLARS!

Someone needs to be canning their lawyers for letting them be that freaking stupid.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Handmaid's Tale, revisted

I don't know which part freaked me out most, this-

Check out the first paragraph of today's Washington Post story "Forever Pregnant," which explains that new federal guidelines issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ask "all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon."

Or this-

Apparently, all women "between first menstrual period and menopause" are now supposed to take supplements of folic acid, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and watch chronic conditions like asthma and diabetes. Other recommendations, mentioned lower down in the Post piece, are that women stay away from cat feces and "discuss the danger alcohol poses to a developing fetus."

I swear that tonight, just to stick it to those sick *&cks at the CDCP, I'm going to get drunk and clean out my cat's litterbox.

Y'all, The Handmaid's Tale was a CAUTIONARY STORY, not a freaking how-to manual.

Oh God

Yahoo just about gave me heart failure with this headline-

Oasis on hiatus

Till the next album, that is. Man, that headline is just MEAN. My first thought was, "Jesus, did Liam question the paternity of Noel's daughter, AGAIN?" But, all is apparently as well as it ever gets.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Hey Bono!


I don't give a rat's ass about what music Condi Rice 'likes'.

I mean, Aretha? Cream? Elton John?

Okay, maybe that last one. And Clapton was quite a right-winger in the '70's.




(Comments he made directly led to the Rock Against Racism concert series, featuring The Clash and The Buzzcocks).

But Aretha? PUHLEASE!

Maybe she listened, but she didn't
listen to the Queen of Soul. Ain't no freaking way.

Pic from www.thedivas.org.uk/aretha

Thursday, May 11, 2006

A-Freaking-men

See, ya'll, the Brits get it with the rock and roll. Four of the best frontmen to ever stand behind a microphone- Moz, Liam and Ians Brown and Curtis. Not going to quibble with the #2 selection. Also, yay Noel!

All-Time Best Rock Heroes (according to NME readers)

01 Kurt Cobain
02 Pete Doherty
03 Morrissey
04 Liam Gallagher
05 Carl Barat
06 Thom Yorke
07 Noel Gallagher
08 David Bowie
09 Ian Brown
10 Ian Curtis

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Songs of the week

As I'm working for a florist, and it is Mother's Day weekend, and the grad weekend of both my actual brother and the poor-guy-that-is-unfortunate-enough-to-be-married-to my social-climbing sister, here's the week's tunage recap early. That run-on sentence made sense at the time of typing.

1. Libertines- Boys In the Band
2. Stone Roses- Bye, Bye Badman
3. Paul "I DJ'd at Spike Island" Oakenfold Featuring Brittany "I am Tai" Murphy- Faster Kill Pussycat
4. Happy Mondays- Step On
5. Primal Scream- Rocks
6. Morrissey- Suedehead
7. John Mellencamp- Pink Houses
8. Charlatans UK- The Only One I Know
9. The Smiths- Sheila, Take a Bow
10. Whiskeytown- 16 Days

Extra Awesome-ness tracks-
11. Gorillaz- Dirty Harry
12. Oasis- Stand By Me

Looky!

I'm hanging with the cool kids, if only for a self-promoting moment....

OhMyGodICan'tBelieveIt

I love Veronica Mars. Kristen Bell rules. That is all.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Excuse Me?

I love music lists. They tend to reassure me that my musical taste is vastly superior/ underappreciated compared to that of mere mortals. Snerk.

I was dinking around on the Crooks and Liars site, looking at video clips that tend to raise my blood preassure, and I saw that John (the C&L guy) linked to the Rolling Stone list of the top 100 guitarists of all time.

When I went to the list, I nearly passed out. Johnny Marr? Nowhere on the list. Joan Jett? #87. John Squire? Nada. Jack White? #17. Jesus.

They ranked Jack White higher than Steve Cropper (Booker T and the MG's), Mick Ronson (Bowie) and Jimmy Burton (Elvis). So not kidding.

I know that my raving Anglophillia tends to blinker me a bit, but for the love of the Baby Jesus, Marr or Squire didn't make the list at all? God. GOD.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Hey Willy Wonka! Are you missing someone?


Via the insanely gifted wenches from Go Fug Yourself-

Oompa-loompa doompety-doo
I've got another fugging for you.
Oompa-loompa-dumbety-dee
Tanorexic fame-whores are frightening to me.

Jen Garner rules

For many, non-Sydney Bristow-related reasons.....

Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Garner, Cicely Tyson, Regina King and Deborah Santana are scheduled to travel to New Orleans today to highlight the special health and psychological needs of Gulf Coast children. The group will be led by the Children's Defense Fund.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Hee. On rock managers...

#4.

In Britpop's stag-night atmosphere, order of a kind undoubtedly still had to be kept. For excitable Oasis, a particularly firm hand was needed - as road manager they employed ex-soldier Ian Robertson, famous for his strong-arm tactics. Ultimately, these were his undoing - he was allegedly fired while holding Liam Gallagher aloft by the throat. As his legs bicycled frantically in mid-air, the singer was nonetheless still able to gasp the words: "Yerfookin-sacked."

Friday, May 05, 2006

Keith. My man.

Hon, just because the tree is there, doesn't mean you need to climb it in order to prove it exists. I don't care what that Ronnie says....

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Embarassing

I tend to be, shall we say, a bit obsessive. And right now, I'm completely and utterly obsessed with bands from the Greater Manchester, England metro area. I mean, ALL bands. You name one, I have recently purchased an item from their back or current musical catalog. Or bought one of those incredible Brit rock mags analyzing every detail of their work, personal life, substance use issues/preferences.

The Smiths? Heaven knows I'm not miserable now. Stone Roses? I wanna be adoring them! Happy Mondays? Step right on, man! Joy Division/New Order? No blue Monday here! Oasis? I'm mad fer it, me!

See? Rather pathetic isn't it? And the really bad part is, I talk about my bands so much that I can drop references into conversations with my family/friends/co-workers-about say, Bez from the Mondays, or my slight crushes on Johnny Marr, Mani or Hooky, or my deep and abiding love for Noel Gallagher- and they ARE AWARE that these individuals not only exist, but probably could name a few legal issues experienced, songs written, famous concerts attended/given by previously mentioned persons. .

People, this is SE Iowa. "Honkytonk Badonkadonk" is a hip tune for most residents in this neck of the woods. And as a result of my compulsive self, my 50 year-old mom (who loves Eric Clapton's solo work and the Eagles- not judging, just a fact) could tell you why the Sex Pistols concert at Manchester Free Trade Hall was important. And some of the bands that resulted from that concert. And sadly, probably that the original name of Joy Division was the Stiff Kittens. And who Martin Hannett was.

The previous items show me several things-

1. I really need a career change
2. May possibly need to get a life
3. I CAN influence people. Not so sure about winning friends, though

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Anglomania, continued


But I forgot Victoria Beckham! Doesn't she look great? Loving the shoes! Glad you didn't bust out the chaps tonight, Posh!

















Sky News picture

Met Anglomania Gala

I am gonna die. Look at Kate's outfit. The skinny leather pants,the jacket, the hair, the smoky eye, the pale lip. I bow down before the Queen. Though not McQueen..... at least at this moment.










Compare with:
I have no idea what posessed Sarah Jessica Parker to don this travesty. I know it's McQueen. I GET McQueen. This, not so much. I think he was going for a Vivienne Westwood homage, only to have it go dreadfully wrong. Yeech.

*pictures from Sky News



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No more Footballers Wives! AARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH! No more thinly-disguised versions of Coleen McLoughlin (Wayne Rooney, Man U) and Posh Beckham? Repeat, argh!

They can't take my Tanya Turner away! I mean, look at her, standing between her fat football-managing husband, Frank, whom she eventually kills with a combo of Viagra and cocaine and her swings-both-ways lovah, Conrad! And even wearing the same dress as Conrad's former Bollywood star wife, Amber, and the fact that she once slept with Hazel, the chick in the red hat, does not appear to bother her in the slightest.

What will I do for my bleached-blonde, coke-addicted, manipulative wench fix?

I have not adored a TV character like this since Sydney Bristow on Alias, who thanks to freaking ABC, is ALSO being cruelly wrenched from me. And don't even get me started on Mr. Sark, the ever-so-delightfully evil British! accented spy on Alias.... Sob. No more possibility for Sarkney action? I am bereft.


Damn you, Footballers Wives, damn you!!!!! Also, damn you, ABC, damn you, too!


*Piccie from http://news.bbc.co.uk/




Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Songs Currently On Heavy Rotation

1. Tart, Tart- Happy Mondays
2. Jailbird- Primal Scream
3. Cruel To Be Kind- Nick Lowe
4. She's Tight- Cheap Trick
5. Badge- Cream
6. Had Me A Real Good Time- Faces
7. Not Ready To Make Nice- Dixie Chicks
8. Rockin' In the Free World- Neil Young
9. Higher Ground- Stevie Wonder
10. This Is The One- Stone Roses

Bonus-
Slip Away- Clarence Carter
Man In the Cornershop- The Jam