This is exactly what I needed

Snark from Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels.

Candy: Jesus/Eleanor of Aquitaine fanfic! Now I’ve seen everything!

Sarah: How much must it suck to finally find your time travel romance opportunity, where you leave the baggy fashions of the 80’s and the Aquanet behind only to find yourself… hiding behind a tree with Jesus.

Of course, Jesus himself might be in for a surprise because looks to me like she’s got man hands and an Adam’s apple.

My M.O.

I've been an Anglophile for as long as I can remember. I blame it on weekly exposure to 'Monty Python's Flying Circus' (watched every Sunday morning while the rest of my family got ready for Mass) and that my next-door neighbor, Vivienne, was from the Motherland. England.

After WWII, Vivienne came to the United States with her husband, Doc (guess what he did for a living). Despite years of living in Iowa, she retained her lovely, melodious accent.

Viv and Doc's granddaughter would come to visit them every summer, and we'd run around, thick as thieves. She was an out-of-stater, and I was a massive dork, so we got along just fine together. We read Frances Hodgson Burnett and C.S. Lewis books entirely too many times, and played with all the cool things that Doc and Viv accumulated on their world travels. Then, when we'd get tired of running around their huge old house, Viv would make us tea and serve us biscuits on her mother's Spode china.

Due to growing up, their granddaughter and I lost touch, but I tried to always check in with them when I'd come back home from college. Viv was thrilled beyond words when I did a study abroad in England. (I didn't tell her it was "The History of British Rock and Roll").

Doc and Viv have been in a nursing home for some time now, and I meant to go see them sometime this spring. Well, that wasn't to be. I was crushed today to learn that Viv passed away last night. I hope she knew how much she meant to me, and how much she helped me become the person that I am today. Well, maybe not the latter.

Isn't it amazing how others can affect our lives? I miss you already, Viv.

also at Oh, Beehave

Random Ten

1. Push The Button- Sugababes
2. Words- Doves
3. Shout To The Top- Style Council
4. Barely Legal- The Strokes
5. Portions For Foxes- Rilo Kiley
6. What You Do To Me- Teenage Fanclub
7. Accelerator- Primal Scream
8. Chelsea Dagger- The Fratellis
9. Cinnamon Girl- Neil Young
10. Sweetest Goodbye- Maroon 5

Bonus-
11. Pull Up The People- M.I.A.
12. Tears Dry On Their Own- Amy Winehouse
13. Fake Tales Of San Francisco- Arctic Monkeys
14. Neptune- Ian Brown

Oh, hell

This is just awful.

Mrs. Edwards, 57, was first diagnosed with cancer in the final weeks of the 2004 campaign. The day after Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry and Edwards, his running mate, conceded the election to George W. Bush, Edwards announced that his wife had invasive ductal cancer, the most common type of breast cancer, and would undergo treatment.

Mrs. Edwards underwent several months of radiation and chemotherapy for the lump in her breast. Her husband's campaign has said she had recovered from the illness.

``I don't look sickly, I don't feel sickly. I am as ready as any person can be for that,'' she said at the news conference.

John Edwards said a biopsy of her rib had showed that the cancer had returned.

The bone is one of the most common places where breast cancer spreads, and once it does so it is not considered curable.

Mark Ronson

regarding The Winehouse:

“I think if the music wasn’t as good as it was maybe she would become maybe just tabloid fodder, but there’s no denying that talent. There’s nothing you could say.”

Manchester loves Ms. Dolly

and I do, too. There aren't too many songwriters more talented,

It's little wonder her British fans cleared the M.E.N. Arena box office of tickets for her show on Tuesday in less than a day. She's the woman who brought us THE anthem for the working classes, 9 to 5, the most poignant appeal to the other woman ever committed to song, Jolene, and the track that put Whitney Houston back on the musical map, I Will Always Love You (only, Dolly's version didn't come with a warning to protect any nearby glass objects from potential sound-related damage).

performers more witty

Take her retort to a reporter who asked whether her breasts (or as Dolly refers to them, her 'show dogs') were real: "They're real big and real expensive," she quipped. And then there's her unforgettable assertion that "it takes a lot of money to look this cheap".

But there's plenty of others; "If I have one more face lift I'll have a beard", "If I see something sagging, bagging and dragging, I'm going to nip it, tuck it and suck it", her wig confessional "wherever I hang my hair that's my home", the tale that her famous busty blonde image is based on a local prostitute, or the story of the day she lost a Dolly Parton look-alike competition that she sneaked into, unbeknown to the judges.

and more generous than Dolly Parton.

But she's been generous with the bounty. Dolly set a literacy programme - inspired by her father's illiteracy - called the Imagination Library, which mails a book each month to every child in Sevier County, where Dolly grew up, from their birth to their first day in kindergarten.

The scheme has been replicated in more than 550 counties in America and exported to Canada, and Dolly has won countless awards for it. In addition, she's opened a bald eagle sanctuary at her theme park and worked with AIDs victims and cancer patients to raise money for associated charitable groups.

I have to tell you

I think I'd rather live next door to Pete and La Moss rather than Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow.

Seriously, who'd have the best parties? The Libertine and the libertine, er, supermodel, or a Coldplay-er and a talented but rather insufferable actress

I think we know my answer to that particular question....

Carling Weekend

Can't say that I'm particularly excited about the headliners, but the second and third stages? Oh, but those are quite good....

Razorlight, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Smashing Pumpkins have been confirmed as the headliners for the Carling Weekend: Reading And Leeds Festivals 2007, NME.COM can announce tonight (March 19).

Meanwhile Ash, The View and Klaxons are set to headline the NME/Radio One Stage.

Others acts confirmed to play include Kings of Leon, Interpol, Arcade Fire, Bloc Party, Panic! At The Disco, Biffy Clyro, Fall Out Boy, CSS and LCD Soundsystem.

The three day even will take place between August 24-26.

Pop and literature

Using song titles as writing prompts, a new series of short stories is being published this summer. The Fall's book is first, with others to follow. Sounds interesting. I'm thinking that the chapter on 'This Charming Man' will be a bit slashy.

And while Mr Wild originally intended to publish the anthology himself, Serpent's Tail then took on the project. Perverted by Language: Fiction Inspired by The Fall will be launched on 1 July at the inaugural Manchester International Festival with a gig by the band.

A further five volumes along the same lines are already in the works. A clutch of American authors are among those to have contributed to the second book, The Empty Page: Fiction Inspired by Sonic Youth, the American rockers, which will be issued in April next year. Writers including Mike Gayle, Nic Kelman, Mil Millington and Kate Pullinger have contributed to Paint a Vulgar Picture, a volume based on The Smiths, and Pleasant Dreams, inspired by The Ramones, will follow.

There will be a Joy Division anthology entitled Incubation, for which The Damned Utd author David Peace has already agreed to write, and the series will conclude with What Goes On, inspired by the Velvet Underground.