Saturday, February 21, 2009


Many years ago, when I was but a naive Cygirl, I dated a guy who I thought was Prince Charming and would whisk me off to his castle in his vintage Chevy truck where I would bear his children and loll about being pampered constantly.

I found out after two years that he was more like the things that came out of the Hellmouth that Buffy had to keep stabbing through the heart with a wooden stake.

In short, he was a lying sackashit, dumber than a sack of hair ratbastard.

My point?

He keeps requesting me as a friend on Facebook. I keep ignoring his requests, but he keeps a-asking.

In his profile picture, he's doing the Shocker hand gesture. Seriously. He's 34 fucking years old. Douchebag.

You know, it WAS a long time ago, and frankly, I'm over it. My friends, however, are not. When I forwarded the initial request to my girls... woooweeee. My delicate ears have never heard such language. Stace said-

"OH MY GOD. I have no words. Wait, I have one. FUCKER."

And I'm pretty sure a blue cloud is still hanging over Casey's condo in Chicago.

I'd approve his request for the LOLZ, but I apparently don't live too far from him, and I wouldn't be too hard to find. And I have no, nada, nyet desire to have him show up on my stoop, prostrating himself at the cute-shoe-clad feet of The One Who Got Away Because He Was A Jackass.


Co-headlining a gig with Etta "freaking" James? BABY GIRL!

Adele has announced the dates of a US tour, which kicks off in March.The singer, who won two Grammy Awards earlier this month including best new artist, will kick off the jaunt in San Diego on March 9.

She'll play dates in Arizona, Austin, Houston and Cleveland, making a special stop in New York on May 5 where she'll celebrate her 21st birthday with a headlining show at Roseland Ballroom.

She's also set to co-headline a show at the Hollywood Bowl with her "idol", Etta James, on June 28.


British understatement in regards to this picture from the Brit Awards-

Girls Aloud were very pleased to win the award for Best Single

You don't say.

"Can I just say - it's about time!" screamed Girls Aloud's Sarah Harding, before adding: "I think I just wet myself."

I love you, Sarah.

Random ten

1. Valerie- Mark Ronson and Kyle Falconer (live at the BBC Electric Proms)
2. ...Hit Me Baby One More Time- Fountains Of Wayne
3. Don't Let Me Down- Stereophonics
4. Things- Robbie Williams and Jane Horrocks
5. It Won't Be Long- Evan Rachel Wood
6. Going Down- The Stone Roses
7. Kiwi- Maroon 5
8. Summertime- Sterephonics
9. Harder To Breathe- Maroon 5
10. Don't Let It Get You Down- Spoon

11. Trouble Sleeping- Corinne Bailey Rae
12. Something- The Beatles

Okay, 6 and 7 back to back made me absolutely piss myself laughing.

Oh Lord

Various Valentine's Day happenings

1. A local loudmouth (has a good heart, just is real obnoxious) called the shop for a dozen roses to be sent to his (equally loud, yet good-hearted) wife. Well done. But...

He wanted 11 red roses and one blue.

Guys, don't make us do that to a perfectly innocent white rose. They scream when we pull out the floral paint. Seriously.

But the card, THE CARD, was the kicker. He wanted it to read-

"I love your sexy ass."

I am not joking. That was the actual message. Now every time I seem them, I'll be thinking that he's fixated on his wife's arse. Which is admirable after 20+ years of marriage but dude, come on... making someone else type that? Man...

Of course, major laughs were had later when my girl, Trace, asked what the blue rose meant. I informed her that "In the language of flowers, a blue rose means you have a sexy ass." With a completely straight face.

She fell for it for a bit.

2. Goofy looking guy, major Howdy Doody resemblance, comes into the shop and orders a decently sized bouquet (50 smackeroos) to be delivered to whom we assumed to be his girlfriend. He opted to fill out the card himself, and we left him alone to do so.

No lie, it took him 45 minutes to fill out the 2x3 inch card.

So of course we were WILD to know what the card said. And it may possibly have fallen out of the not-sealed envelope. Whoopsie.

Rather than the highly romantic message we were hoping for, it contained wishes for a good day at work and hopes for God's Blessings upon her.

We all fell the floor laughing. I barely made it to the bathroom in time.

It took him that long to come up with the least romantic thing possible. Mentioning work and the Big Guy. Hot.

Imagine our difficultly in keeping a straight face less than an hour later when a local cutie pie (who is a totally sweet lad) came in to order a significantly larger bouquet for delivery FOR THE SAME WOMAN.

And he wanted the card to be blank. Guys, don't do this. Please. Because then confused women call the shop wondering who the hell sent them the flowers.

Apparently, the woman is dating Howdy, and Cutie Pie is just hopeful. Awwww. How darlin'.