Saturday, February 21, 2009

Oh Lord

Various Valentine's Day happenings

1. A local loudmouth (has a good heart, just is real obnoxious) called the shop for a dozen roses to be sent to his (equally loud, yet good-hearted) wife. Well done. But...

He wanted 11 red roses and one blue.

Guys, don't make us do that to a perfectly innocent white rose. They scream when we pull out the floral paint. Seriously.

But the card, THE CARD, was the kicker. He wanted it to read-

"I love your sexy ass."

I am not joking. That was the actual message. Now every time I seem them, I'll be thinking that he's fixated on his wife's arse. Which is admirable after 20+ years of marriage but dude, come on... making someone else type that? Man...

Of course, major laughs were had later when my girl, Trace, asked what the blue rose meant. I informed her that "In the language of flowers, a blue rose means you have a sexy ass." With a completely straight face.

She fell for it for a bit.

2. Goofy looking guy, major Howdy Doody resemblance, comes into the shop and orders a decently sized bouquet (50 smackeroos) to be delivered to whom we assumed to be his girlfriend. He opted to fill out the card himself, and we left him alone to do so.

No lie, it took him 45 minutes to fill out the 2x3 inch card.

So of course we were WILD to know what the card said. And it may possibly have fallen out of the not-sealed envelope. Whoopsie.

Rather than the highly romantic message we were hoping for, it contained wishes for a good day at work and hopes for God's Blessings upon her.

We all fell the floor laughing. I barely made it to the bathroom in time.

It took him that long to come up with the least romantic thing possible. Mentioning work and the Big Guy. Hot.

Imagine our difficultly in keeping a straight face less than an hour later when a local cutie pie (who is a totally sweet lad) came in to order a significantly larger bouquet for delivery FOR THE SAME WOMAN.

And he wanted the card to be blank. Guys, don't do this. Please. Because then confused women call the shop wondering who the hell sent them the flowers.

Apparently, the woman is dating Howdy, and Cutie Pie is just hopeful. Awwww. How darlin'.

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