Thursday, March 23, 2006

Random (Squirrel!)

So, my dad calls the store today, asking if we had any doll bottles at home. I thought he said "dog bottoms," but that's neither here nor there.

Seems that when he was trimming a tree today, he accidentally knocked a squirrels nest out of said tree. Needless to say, since my pops has watched "Dr. Doolittle" roughly as many times as I have watched "24 Hour Party
People," we now have 4 baby squirrels living in a box in our living room

Names were the next issue. I suggested Ian, John, Mani and Reni, but Ma wasn't going for that. It goes without saying that any names associated with the Happy Mondays were immediately dismissed. Morrissey, Marr, Andy and Mike were shot down, too.

The compromise names ar
e John, Paul, George and Ringo. Obviously, Paul is the runt.

Macca PISSED me off with the whole switching Lennon-McCartney to McCartney-Lennon songwriting credit thing. And the fact that his wife, do-gooder that she might be, didn't have his daughter, Stella Freaking McCartney design her wedding dress. Which was a Chantilly travesty, btw.... I wish Yoko would buy back the Beatles back catalog from the nightmare that is Michael Jackson, and hand Paul's ass to him on a platter. Harumph.

Which brings me to my main point. I called one of my brothers to share the story, and he happened to be at dinner with my bloomin' sister and her eunuch of a husband. (I think that's correct usage of that word; it means neutered, right)?

Usually, the conversation would have lasted a really long time, consisting of various statements such as, "Remember when he almost set his pants on fire and had to call the fire department from the pond?"

FYI- Dad just retired from the fire department after 30 years, 15 of which he served as assistant chief. In my experience, firemen are the worst at letting things get out of hand, flame-wise. Or maybe it's just him.
Apple not far from the tree and all that.

The fact remains that somewhere in the conversation, the following sentence would have been uttered: "It's just like the time he brought Goose Goose home."

Anyway, Goose Goose was the injured Canadian Go
ose that Dad found alongside Highway 61, brought home to live in our garage, and nursed back to health. Damn goose lived in the garage for an entire winter, shat on Mom's windshield frequently, and now lives on our pond during non-migratory season.

Back to the story. As my brother was with my bloomin' sister, the convo was cut way, way short. As I hung up the phone, I thought to myself, "Oooo, he's at dinner with the Princess. Mustn't disturb the Princess!"

Which is so much funnier when you use the voices that I used to say aforementioned snark. Those would be the voices that David Walliams and Matt Lucas use on "Little Britain" when they are portraying possibly the worst cross-
dressers in the world, Emily and Florence.

"But we're LAY-DEES!"

Picture from BBC America

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