"Faster than parked is fast enough to kill"

Oh, this is quality snark. Abstinence-only drivers ed. Makes about as much sense as abstinence-only sex ed.

Fear not, kids: there's a time in your life when driving a car will cease to be an evil and disgusting shame-riddled experience. That happens after you're married. My husband got me a Corvette for our anniversary. How sweet is that? And take it from ME: NO premarital driving could ever have felt as good as the driving my husband and I do together.

Remember this handy little slogan: "No ring on your finger, no hand on the shifter."

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