Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My day

7AM- cat wakes me up, wanting to be petted

7:01- cat is pitched gently from the bed

7:20- Give up on returning to sleep, go turn on computer

8:40- Realize, SHIT, have to leave for work in 10 minutes, and am still in pajamas

9:00- Arrive at work. In actual clothes. Start assessing all that needs to be done before open houses this weekend

9:10- Consider throwing store stereo onto highway for the first time today

9:13- Catch glance of self in mirror, scream

9:15- As to avoid frightening customers, apply makeup

9:17- Ahhhh, sweet lady caffeine

9:18- Stone. Cold. Panic. Realize that not only is Mom AWOL from the shop till next Wednesday, that my brother and his family are also arriving at the house that day, and that Thursday is FUCKING THANKSGIVING. AND I AM THE SOLE COOK. AND THAT WE HAVE NO GROCERIES IN THE HOUSE. AND I AM ON OVERTIME AS OF FRIDAY, THEREFORE HAVE NO TIME TO SHOP.

9:19- Breathe into paper bag

9:21- To assist in regaining my sanity, gaze at a picture of Drew McConnell. He's so lovely.

9:25- My ever-so-cheerful father arrives at the shop and asks me why we weren't working on the funeral work we have. I replied that the visitation was tomorrow. He says that no, it was today. The casket spray is in shades of purple. WE HAVE NO, REPEAT, NO PURPLE FLOWERS IN THE COOLER. BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING FALL!!!!

9:26- Breathe into paper bag while on phone to funeral home director.

9:27- Thank fuck, it IS tomorrow. Thanks, Dad. JAYSUS.

10:01- Deal with first stupid ad rep of the day

11:00- Ah, things are going smoothly. My coworker, Denise is so calm and reasonable. Shit, here comes Dad again. Doesn't he have a job?

11:01- Dad informs me that his sleep-deprived wife is freaking out about not being here for the open houses, and is intending to drive back from my sis's house today, and go back up on Monday.

11:02- On phone to Mom, paper bag handy. Convince her that we have the situ handled. Successfully.

11:15- proofread ad for regional paper. Which was apparently designed by a blind and illiterate person.

12:03PM- Goody. Here's Dad again. What is he going to say that makes me flip my shit this time?


12:05- Denise hands me the picture of Drew*

12:06- On phone to Mom. It's hard to carry on a convo while breathing into a paper bag.

12:07- Direct quote from my mother- "Your father is on crack. I'm staying here."

12:08- Consider beating my father to death with a can of leaf shine

Basically, I averaged 2 minutes of blind, shit-shocked horror and panic an hour FOR 8 HOURS TODAY.

I need a nap.

*yeah, that didn't really happen, but it would have been awesome, right? She would have if I'd asked. This is the woman who when I was dealing with a similar panic-inducing day, went over to the cooler, got out one of our sample bottles of wine, and poured me a coffee cup full of calm. Well, calmer.


Kazza said...

ACK! You poor thing!

We should add:

**QB and Kazza arrive at shop. Look out window to see 1970s van with wizard painted on the side. Follow them out and find kidnapped Drew, Simon and Urbo inside. Leave. Don't come back.

Cygirl said...

I was looking today, Kaz. WHERE WAS THE VAN?????


queen bee said...

best line:

'Consider beating my father to death with a can of leaf shine.'

Not for da's sake but because your weapon of choice is hilarious.

Cygirl said...

Leaf Shine is my weapon of choice.

It could fuck somebody up, really quickly.

And thanks, love....