Occasionally,

I can be dumber than a whole sack full of hammers.

Last week, I was at work, and was feeling a bit peckish. Lo and behold, I spotted a box of caramels that we have for sale. However, the caramels had been in the 'fridge, and were inedible in their current (at that time) state. I thought, "Hmmm, maybe I could warm one up in the microwave. Mmmm, tasty."

Unlike myself at that moment, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

So I put the caramel in the microwave, and heat it up for 5 seconds, I swear. Being a big spaz and not paying attention, I open the nuker, and grab the candy. Which had motherfucking liquefied in 5 seconds.

What is your first reaction when you burn your fingers? Yup, shove them in your mouth. Unfortunately, I have approximately the same hand-to-eye coordination that a drunken two year-old possesses, and I now am sporting a nasty burn on the corner of my lip. Which really farcking hurts.

So, yeah. Am cool. Why do I share things like this? Normal people wouldn't mention candy-related burns, but nooooooo...