Storytime

Back when I taught 5th and 6th grade social studies in Texas, my school had a big pep rally for the annual test, the TAKS. (Don't even get me started on how fucked up it is to have a pep rally for a standardized test).

The section of the school I taught in dealt with the talented and gifted kids, and as our "team leader" was an incorrigible (though very nice to me) kiss-ass, she pulled together a skit for said pep rally, consisting of our kids doing a military drill-type routine. It was actually adorable.

However, the science teacher on our team and I, being insufferable smartasses, bribed the "drill sargent"* to do the "AND THAT'S A FACT, JACK" bit from 'Stripes.' No one got it but us, and we nearly pissed ourselves laughing.



*whenever I was having a horrid day, this kid would do the Pepto-Bismol dance for me. Worked like a charm...

Oh lord

I was minding my own business, watching the trailer for 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall,' when for some reason, I decided to read the comments. Why I did this, I haven't the slightest. Bunch of knuckle-draggers, usually. This was no exception.

Check this out.

Well your mother might dispute that, I fucked her so hard the bitch couldn't walk for a week. Either way she can keep my boxer shorts and have a sniff now and again to remind her of the day I rocked her world. For her benefit stop smoking your pole you bitch ass pillow biter.

Charming. And icky.

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that the only way this jackass could rock someone's world is if he had their model of the Earth in a cradle? And I'm curious, why does this fine specimen care whether the other commenter gratifies themselves orally? Again, charming.

'Caravan Girl'- Goldfrapp

Probably my favorite song off 'Seventh Tree.'


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A suggestion

for the AP. When writing an article about Dr. Evil's, er, The Penguin's, er Vice President Cheney's fishing trip and the alleged "nude woman" reflected in his sunglasses, I would have avoided the words "rod" and "grip."

But I'm 15 that way...

On second thought, feel free to do so again. I laughed my head off.

Random

Today at work, when we were in the weeds of funeral stuff, the Wee The View lads cover of 'I've Just Seen A Face' came on the stereo. We all started to sing along. Yes, I'm influential (*rolls eyes*) to the point that obscure Beatles b-sides become sing-a-longs at Iowa's Coolest Flower Shop.



Also, last week we had the revelation that my very posh co-worker, Denise, had all her family down for dinner, and started singing 'Rehab' under her breath. Obviously, her kids were incredulous that their mom was familiar with The Winehouse's oeuvre. She gleefully reported to me, "I told them that we've been listening to that for over a year now."

I'm making a difference, I suppose.

CL, Torres del Paine (11)

CL, Torres del Paine (11), originally uploaded by The Vitruvian Man.

Random ten

1. If I Fall You're Going Down With Me- Dixie Chicks
2. This Time Tomorrow- The Kinks
3. Daydreamer- Adele
4. Octopus's Garden- The Beatles
5. When Doves Cry- Prince and the Revolution
6. Handbags and Gladrags- Stereophonics
7. Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies- Biffy Clyro
8. Sea Of Love- Cat Power
9. Sometimes Always- The Jesus and Mary Chain
10. S.O.S.- Rhianna

Bonus-
11. Lagremes de Oro- Helsinki
12. I've Just Seen A Face- The View

Roses

Live at the Empress Ballroom in Blackpool.

"Manchester in the area!"

And some of my favorite Mani-dancing-whilst-playing-his-bass moments ever...

Let me assure you,

that on the list of places where one doesn't like to be startled, such as-

-the ATM machine
-the highway
-reaching under the bed to retrieve a book or similar

that the FUNERAL HOME RANKS RIGHT FUCKING UP THERE.

I was delivering flowers for a funeral visitation today, and assumed I was alone in the building. Other than the deceased, that is. I was fussing with an arrangement, and one of the funeral home directors walked up behind me and said, "I thought you had everything here already."

To paraphrase Cousin Eddie in 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation,' I nearly pissed my pants and forgot my name.

My late-night

telly viewing essentials for the next week or two..

Leno-
4/9- Angie Stone

Letterman-
4/16- The Gossip

Conan-
4/10- Eddie Izzard

'Age Of The Understatement'

One of my absolute fav songs of the moment. From The Last Shadow Puppets aka Alex Turner and Miles Kane...

GOD

DAMMIT, Peter.

Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty has been jailed for 14 weeks for failing to turn up to probation hearings on time and drug use. Doherty attended West London Magistrates Court today (April 8), where Judge Davinder Lachar handed the singer/guitarist the sentence. A spokesperson for the court said that Doherty had been jailed for "breach of time keeping, non-compliance of his order and using different drugs". Doherty had been given a suspended jail sentence for possession of drugs and driving illegally in October last year. His supervision order required him to make regular visits to court for progress reports, as well as take part in a drug rehabilitation programme. He was threatened with up to four months in jail if he broke the law during this period

Listen, Petey, I couldn't bring myself to listen to either 'Shotter's Nation' or 'The Blinding' EP today, that's how pissed off I am. Much like brushing my teeth or texting Kaz, this is something that I do every day.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.

Seriously, darlin', get it together. And so help me God, if there are fewer pictures of your rhythm section floating around the Internet because your arse is in jail, well... I won't do anything, but I'll be REALLY PISSED. AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

Oh dear

My beloved Girls Aloud got Fugged.

Positives-

-Chezza's hat=totally cute (far left)

-Nicola's hair is very pretty, as per usual (third from left)

-Kim's top is on-trend (fourth from left)

-My beloved Sarah's got the indie look going on, which strangely suits her. Her shoes are FANTASTIC. (far right)

Negatives-

-Chezza's yellow top. Not fond of yellow, as it makes me look like I have a liver condition.

-Nadine's outfit. Especially her choice in footwear. I. Hate. White. Shoes. And yes, darlin', we get it. You have nice legs. Be a bit nicer if they weren't ORANGE. Though they do match your skirt... (second from left)

Star of Bethlehem

Star of Bethlehem, originally uploaded by scilit.

This is utterly lovely

Adele performing 'To Make You Feel My Love' on Later... With Jools Holland.

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Fascinating

People were named after things, and things were named after people. His lover in later life, Blanche Blackwell, gave him a small boat named Octopussy, which became the name of a man-eating pet octopus in the short story. In rather ungallant return, Fleming named the ancient guano tanker in Dr No the Blanche.

The crime boss Marc-Ange Draco in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is named after El Draco, the Spanish name for Sir Francis Drake – a reference picked up years later by J. K. Rowling for her Hogwarts antihero, Draco Malfoy.

Rosa Klebb (the Russian for bread) was partly based on Colonel Rybkin of Soviet intelligence. Major Boothroyd, the secret service armourer, is named in honour of Geoffrey Boothroyd, the gun expert who provided Fleming with invaluable technical advice.

...

Fleming’s villains, like his heroes, are patchworks of different people, names and traits. Le Chiffre, the Benzedrine-sniffing villain of Casino Royale, is believed to be based on Aleister Crowley, who gained notoriety in inter-war Britain as “the Wickedest Man in the World”.

Crowley was a bisexual, sado-masochistic drug addict. A master of Thelemic mysticism (“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law”), he specialised in mountaineering, interpreting the Ouija board, orgies and thrashing his lovers. The press simultaneously adored and hated him. Crowley made Le Chiffre seem positively sane.

Mmmmm, Biblical

Gee, why wouldn't someone want to be married to a peach like this?

A Serb farmer used a grinding machine to cut in half his farm tools and machines to comply with a court ruling that he must share all his property with his ex-wife, local media reported on Thursday.

Branko Zivkov, 76, told Belgrade daily Kurir he had been ready to give his wife Vukadinka her equal share of everything earned during their 45-year marriage, but was furious at being asked to give away half his farming equipment.

Instead, he bought a grinder and cut in two all his tools, includinglarge items such as cattle scales, a harrow and a sowing machine. "I still haven't decided how to split the cow," he told the newspaper. "She should just say what she wants -- the part with the horns or the part with the tail."

Today in

silly headlines...

Some superdelegates more super than rest

But do they wear capes? Hmm...

Back Tor

Back Tor, originally uploaded by ChrisHepburn.

Oh dear...

From the 'Shine A Light' premiere in LDN.

I don't know which is worse- Jaime's horrid Daisy Dukes or Jasmine's mutton-dressed-as-lamb...

























However, I think Noel's pimp coat takes the cake...as well as his combination of the indie boy stripey t-shirt and zebra-striped scarf. Or his missus's dotty self. No Polka-Dot Left Behind....