"I don't think he's in regular correspondence with His Holiness"

This made me laugh so freaking hard that I spit water out my nose. Living large, my friends, living large.

I know it's "Anyone but United," but this is so funny!

* Pope Benedict XVI might want to look out for some unusual personal correspondence in the coming days.

His Holiness has not, to our knowledge, consumed industrial quantities of cortex-splitting pharmaceuticals, used the microwave on his tour bus to cook the aforementioned narcotics, vomited on Elvis's front door, bounced a ball off the head of Blur's Damon Albarn for some unknown misdeed, or been banned from Top of the Pops.*

The members of rock band Primal Scream have.

And I hear that the Scream's bassist, the loopy Mani, a Manchester United fan, has decided to write the Pope a letter calling for the canonisation of Man U manager Sir Alex Ferguson, after he won his ninth Premiership title with the club.

"Mani wants Fergie to be made a saint," says a friend, who faces eviction after Mani's excitable (mid-bender) stereo volume control upset the neighbours on Monday night.

"He says he's writing a letter to the Pope listing Fergie's miracles.

"I don't think he's in regular correspondence with His Holiness, but I've not spoken to him since last night, so for all I know he could be on the phone to him now."