Tuesday, July 31, 2007

What. An. Asshole.

Christina Aguilera had to cancel a few concerts because of a throat infection.

Upon hearing this, most normal people, fans or not, would hope for a speedy recovery for Christina. Not this dickhead, who is affiliated with Baptists For Brownback. This is his statement-

Christina Aguilera Finally Tastes Her Just Desserts!

Folks, sometimes God works in mysterious ways. He’ll do something for reasons you, in your puny mortal ignorance, cannot fathom. So be it. It is not up to us, and especially you, to question His wisdom. However, events such as tornadoes, earthquakes and the unending persecution of President George W. Bush can have the effect of drying up your well of faith. Jesus and I understand this, even as we rebuke you for your weakness.

But then, every once in a while, the Lord will take action so obviously necessary, so clear in its intent, that Christians everywhere find their faith-wells overflowing with the sweet, crystal waters of Christ’s eternal justice. Just such an event occurred over the weekend.

I am speaking of course of the “upper respiratory infection” that has struck down Miss Christina Aguilera, her “dancers” and various members of her “crew”. A “singer” of popular “music”, Aguilera has lost her voice, and has been forced to cancel a series of concerts in Australia. Lord only knows how this strumpet contracted her throat infection. I do not want to know. But suffice to say these lyrics, from one of her songs, provide a clue:

“Hush now, don’t say a word,
I’m gonna give you what you deserve.
Now you better give me a little taste
Put your icing on my cake
You nasty boy (boy)
Oh no, ooh there I go again

I need a spanking,
’cause I’ve been bad
So let my body do the talkin’
I’ll slip you that hot, sweet, sexy lovin’ (lovin’)”

Those words come from a song titled, “Naughty, Nasty Boy”, which may as well be the official anthem for harlotry and sodomy. One can only imagine how many unplanned sexual events occurred as a result of impressionable young minds being exposed to such filth.

But thanks to the majesty and power of God, the blaring megaphone of Chrisina Aguilera’s sexual terrorism has been muffled. And Praise Jesus is all I can say to that!

In Christ’s Name,
Tobin Maker, resident pastor, Baptists For Brownback 2008

Several things-

a- It's Just DESERTS, shit for brains

b- If God is sending natural disasters as "punishment for the unending persecution" of Bush, then why does the south keeps getting hit repeatedly? Hmmmmm?

3. Those lyrics are crap. However, I've seen dirtier. USUALLY SUNG BY MEN.

Oh, but that's DIFFERENT. They're allowed to be sexual beings. Not women, though. Nope, no sexy time for them. Unless it's for procreation, of course. And they shouldn't enjoy it, even then. Just lay back and think of the snowflake babies.

Also, if there's an "official anthem for harlotry and sodomy," I'm not thinking this is it. Isn't it interesting how everything boils down to the buttsex for these people?

Hmmm, what would be a good anthem for harlots and sodomites? To the iTunes!

4. Strumpet. Hee.

5. If this asshat is on the same wavelength as Jesus, which I somehow doubt, why is he taking pleasure in the misfortune of another? I must have slept through that bit at church. Was the edict to kick people while they're down issued during Jesus's "lost weekend," when He got liquored up and.....

Oh, that didn't happen, either. Sorry.

6. "Sexual Terrorism" would be a great name for a band. Someone needs to make this happen.

Crap like this makes me slightly crazy. But not as crazy as this motherfucker, though.


Kazza said...

He said strumpet? BA HA HA HA HA

Cygirl said...

He did. No trollop, though. We trollops get no love from the fundies, just you strumpets....

Upon further reflection, I think the anthem for harlotry and sodomy is either-
a- 'Boys and Girls'- Blur


b- anything by Suede

And yes, I've been reading my Britpop book, why do you ask?

Anonymous said...

Um, do you think the use of "just desserts" might a deliberate play on the phrase--a reference to the lyrics of "Naughty, Nasty Boy"?

Cygirl said...

It's possible. I doubt this guy is clever enough for that play on words, though.