Friday, August 03, 2007

My morning

8AM- cat wakes me up by nudging my hand

8:02- turn on sink on for cat, vow to buy a kitty water fountain

8:05- head downstairs to read NME, er, foreign policy journal, before getting ready for work AKA throwing clothes in dryer for a quick de-wrinkling and spraying hair into Horrors-looking shape

8:50- put on makeup on in the car on the way to work (I'm not driving, of course).Listen to "Car Park Catchphrase" on Radio1. Moyles is amusing. Adore Jo Whiley.

9:05- make coffee. Coffee v.v.v.v. good and vital to my not falling back asleep

9:07- first attempt at re-formatting store business cards

9:09- mmmmmmm, coffee

9:15- give up on business cards. Jack around with stereo for a while. Seems like a Mark Ronson, Paul Weller, Aretha, Teenage Fanclub and Blur sort of day

9:20- make a second pass at fresh arrangement that I started on Thursday at 4:30PM. Goes better this time

9:25- text Kaz with important Kasabian, er, foreign policy-related information

9:30- second attempt at business cards

9:34- mmmmm, more coffee

9:38- divvy up samples stolen, ahem, OBTAINED, at gift show last week

9:45- phone rings. As person on the line is supa dupa annoying, play hot potato with phone. Am successful in avoiding convo

9:47- Mmmm, Diet Dr. Pepper

10:10- go outside to hang balloons on sale sign. As is extremely humid, sunglasses fog up immediately upon leaving air conditioning

10:11- hair goes straight to hell

10:15- go into cooler to get flowers for an order

10:17- emerge from cooler to hear a man talking loudly to my mom and co-workers from the showroom

10:17-the hair on the back of my neck stands straight-the-fuck up

10:17- Mom sends me a "Holy hell, what is going on?" look

10:17- grab my cell phone and head into Mom's office

10:17-call the store's line, and ask Mom if she wants me to call someone. She says "yes."

10:17-call Traci and ask her if her dad can come over, STAT

10:18- crazy tweaked-the-hell-out guy starts screaming about fireworks, potato salad and the Holocaust. Am not kidding.


10:20- call neighbor, who is married to an Iowa State Trooper, to get her hubby's cell phone

10:21- call cell phone. Leave VM

10:22- Tweaker starts ranting about how much he loves Jesus, and how he's also a country songwriter.


I'm like, "Dude, you can love Jesus as much as you want, but you're still off your head on Drano and anhydrous ammonia."

10:23- Notice that he has on a Iowa Hawkeyes hat. Just a coincidence, I'm sure;)

10:24- possible escape routes are running through head

10:25- Tweaker McTweakersons feels the need to prove that he is actually a budding Willie Nelson, and goes out to his car to get some examples of his work

10:26- we all freak the fuck out

10:26- Mom calls auto dealer next door and asks them to send someone with testosterone over

10:27- Tweakaleeza Rice reappears, bearing the fruits of his labor. An old Quad Cities Times and an issue of Country Weekly with Carrie Underwood on the cover. Am suspicious for some reason.

10:28- Tweaky tells us that he's not trying to scare us, he's just happy and loves the Lord. Strangely, I'm just as reassured by this as I am when a boy tells me that he's "just a nice guy, and women don't want nice guys......"

10:29- Tweaker Aaron Presley leaves the building. Mom casually goes over and locks the front door, then sprints for the work room

10:30- I stand near the window in the work room, and copy down Tweaker Limbaugh's license plate number, make and model of car, and a description of the person in the car with him. Am grateful that my hours of watching 'Law and Order: Criminal Intent' have finally paid off.

10:31- Tweaker Cruise whips out a paintball gun and starts waving it around in the parking lot

10:31- I hit the deck

10:31- Briefly think that if I die before I see Primal Scream, The Fratellis, Dirty Pretty Things, The View, Diamond Lil, Oasis, Kasabian or Grahhhhhmay in concert, I'm going to haunt the hell out of someone.

Bitchiest. Ghost. Ever.

10:32- They leave the parking lot

10:33- Traci's bad self shows up, as does a guy from the auto dealership next door.

10:33- Being the daughter of the town's fire chief, Trace has the non-emergency police number programmed into her phone

10:34- call non-emergency number. Dispatcher is impressed with the amount of info that I gathered. Resist the temptation to tell her that it's all due to watching Dick Wolf productions (the non-Fred Thompson ones- he's just irritating to me)

10:39- Traci and the guy from next door leave. We re-lock the door

10:43- Oooo, new email. I'm so glad I can check it on my cell phone. And it's celeb gossip from QB! YAYS! Hmmm, what could it be about...... did Peter do something stupi.......

10:43- Oh, fuck-Tweakeriffic pulls back into parking lot. We hit the lights, and pull everyone into the office.

10:44- He tries to get in the door. Is unsuccessful

10:45- After leaping about, leaves parking lot

10:46- we freak the hell out

10:50- Traci calls and says that the cops have the guy pulled over at a gas station up the road, and are searching the car

10:52- cops let the guy loose, he dances in the parking lot, then heads north

Obviously, we were a bit wigged out. And may I point out, this all happened before 11AM and my third cup of coffee this morning.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be less exciting.

2 comments:

Kazza said...

Didn't realize Sir Tweakalot was an aspiring country writer as well. Wow.

I'm still not sure if Our Captain would have been much help.

Cygirl said...

Comforting my scared self would have been enough of a job for Captain, My Captain.

And I feel that I need to clarify that we weren't like, "Oh, we're GIRLS. We need a MAN to save us...."

Sir Tweakalot (love it) was about 6'4 & 220. I'm wily and shit, but he was a lot bigger than me. I'm also happy to say that he didn't reappear today. Thank fuck!