Saturday, September 15, 2007

For obvious reasons,

I was looking for a picture of the Cy-Hawk trophy, and found this piece of shite.

Seriously, Mr. Dude Who Wrote This Article- proofreading. Look into it. (my comments in red)

The Cy-Hawk trophy winner is based on a points system. The winner of contests between each school earns a point towards the trophy. The winner of the football contest gets two points. The trophy was first introduced in 1977 to coincide with the revival of the football rivalry. Iowa holds the edge in keeping the trophy in Iowa City by a 19-10 margin. Now let's get to the important, (Important????) like why this trophy sucks.

Name: Cy-Hawk? I am racking my brains trying to figure out what three year old came up with this name. Anything in relation to a team that is named Cyclone (Oh for Christ's Sake) and has a bird name (try "named," stud) Cy for it's mascot has no business being replicated in full or partial form on anything, much less a college football trophy. (Oh, go fuck off)

History: Or should I say lack of it. Most trophy's (Jesus, this asshole is trying to raise my blood pressure) in college football have some sort of significance or a cool story (seriously, man- "cool story?") behind it. Many have been around for most of this century. (Good God, is Jonah Goldberg writing this? That's just lazy) This trophy was made up simply for the sake of having a big piece of metal to put in a case. (Maybe I'm just a dumb girl Cyclone, but I kind of thought that was trophies *were* "big piece(s) of metal to put in a case." Silly me)

Identity: It has a wannabe Heisman guy figurine, a football figurine, (Hello, redundant) as well as an engraved Herky, and dumb bird on it (try Cy the Cyclone, dickweed. And if Cy is a "dumb bird," then what the fuck is fucking Herky?) . How about something that represents the state? One look and all you can say is, what the Hell is that? (No, really- dude was PAID for writing this?) Also, why does a trophy that represents the winner of multiple sports have a football player on it? I think the volleyball teams may be offended. (Seriously, fuck off )

Sponsorship: Does this make sense? The hyphenated Hy-Vee (don't knock Hy-Vee, fool) grocery store sponsoring an already hyphenated trophy adds to many hyphens to four words that should never be hyphenated. (If I never see the word "hyphen" again, it will be too soon) Perhaps Hy-Vee should sponsor a third tier bowl game in Boise instead. (No really, go Cheney yourself)

With that said, it is still a trophy the fans want back, no matter it's level of suckitude. (*eyes roll back in head*)

I'm starting to channel Samuel L. Jackson here, but YOU HAVE GOT TO BE MOTHERFUCKING KIDDING ME. What a wanker.

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