Congrats, Johnny Borrell

You've joined my very prestigious list of people who need, for the love of the Baby Jesus, shut the hell up.

1. Bono
2. Gwyneth Paltrow
3. Katie Couric
4. Chris Matthews
5. Jamie Foxx (because of his extremely icky album. No double entrendre was left unmolested)
6. Johnny Borrell

Seriously, the latest addition pains me. I really like Razorlight.

Oh. My. God.

MACCA DIDN'T HAVE A PRENUP? ARE YOU JOKING ME?

WHEN Paul McCartney wed Heather Mills in 2002 he decided against a prenuptial deal to keep his £825million fortune.

The couple said they were "too in love" to think about it.

But if they eventually divorce, Lady McCartney could walk away £200million richer.

Y'all, I think I could marry a guy in his 60's if I knew I could potentially walk out of the marriage with approximately 380 MILLION DOLLARS!

Someone needs to be canning their lawyers for letting them be that freaking stupid.

Handmaid's Tale, revisted

I don't know which part freaked me out most, this-

Check out the first paragraph of today's Washington Post story "Forever Pregnant," which explains that new federal guidelines issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ask "all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon."

Or this-

Apparently, all women "between first menstrual period and menopause" are now supposed to take supplements of folic acid, refrain from smoking, maintain a healthy weight and watch chronic conditions like asthma and diabetes. Other recommendations, mentioned lower down in the Post piece, are that women stay away from cat feces and "discuss the danger alcohol poses to a developing fetus."

I swear that tonight, just to stick it to those sick *&cks at the CDCP, I'm going to get drunk and clean out my cat's litterbox.

Y'all, The Handmaid's Tale was a CAUTIONARY STORY, not a freaking how-to manual.

Oh God

Yahoo just about gave me heart failure with this headline-

Oasis on hiatus

Till the next album, that is. Man, that headline is just MEAN. My first thought was, "Jesus, did Liam question the paternity of Noel's daughter, AGAIN?" But, all is apparently as well as it ever gets.

Hey Bono!

I don't give a rat's ass about what music Condi Rice 'likes'.

I mean, Aretha? Cream? Elton John?

Okay, maybe that last one. And Clapton was quite a right-winger in the '70's.




(Comments he made directly led to the Rock Against Racism concert series, featuring The Clash and The Buzzcocks).

But Aretha? PUHLEASE!

Maybe she listened, but she didn't listen to the Queen of Soul. Ain't no freaking way.

Pic from www.thedivas.org.uk/aretha

A-Freaking-men

See, ya'll, the Brits get it with the rock and roll. Four of the best frontmen to ever stand behind a microphone- Moz, Liam and Ians Brown and Curtis. Not going to quibble with the #2 selection. Also, yay Noel!

All-Time Best Rock Heroes (according to NME readers)

01 Kurt Cobain
02 Pete Doherty
03 Morrissey
04 Liam Gallagher
05 Carl Barat
06 Thom Yorke
07 Noel Gallagher
08 David Bowie
09 Ian Brown
10 Ian Curtis

Songs of the week

As I'm working for a florist, and it is Mother's Day weekend, and the grad weekend of both my actual brother and the poor-guy-that-is-unfortunate-enough-to-be-married-to my social-climbing sister, here's the week's tunage recap early. That run-on sentence made sense at the time of typing.

1. Libertines- Boys In the Band
2. Stone Roses- Bye, Bye Badman
3. Paul "I DJ'd at Spike Island" Oakenfold Featuring Brittany "I am Tai" Murphy- Faster Kill Pussycat
4. Happy Mondays- Step On
5. Primal Scream- Rocks
6. Morrissey- Suedehead
7. John Mellencamp- Pink Houses
8. Charlatans UK- The Only One I Know
9. The Smiths- Sheila, Take a Bow
10. Whiskeytown- 16 Days

Extra Awesome-ness tracks-
11. Gorillaz- Dirty Harry
12. Oasis- Stand By Me

Looky!

I'm hanging with the cool kids, if only for a self-promoting moment....

OhMyGodICan'tBelieveIt

I love Veronica Mars. Kristen Bell rules. That is all.

Excuse Me?

I love music lists. They tend to reassure me that my musical taste is vastly superior/ underappreciated compared to that of mere mortals. Snerk.

I was dinking around on the Crooks and Liars site, looking at video clips that tend to raise my blood preassure, and I saw that John (the C&L guy) linked to the Rolling Stone list of the top 100 guitarists of all time.

When I went to the list, I nearly passed out. Johnny Marr? Nowhere on the list. Joan Jett? #87. John Squire? Nada. Jack White? #17. Jesus.

They ranked Jack White higher than Steve Cropper (Booker T and the MG's), Mick Ronson (Bowie) and Jimmy Burton (Elvis). So not kidding.

I know that my raving Anglophillia tends to blinker me a bit, but for the love of the Baby Jesus, Marr or Squire didn't make the list at all? God. GOD.

Hey Willy Wonka! Are you missing someone?

Via the insanely gifted wenches from Go Fug Yourself-

Oompa-loompa doompety-doo
I've got another fugging for you.
Oompa-loompa-dumbety-dee
Tanorexic fame-whores are frightening to me.

Jen Garner rules

For many, non-Sydney Bristow-related reasons.....

Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Garner, Cicely Tyson, Regina King and Deborah Santana are scheduled to travel to New Orleans today to highlight the special health and psychological needs of Gulf Coast children. The group will be led by the Children's Defense Fund.

Hee. On rock managers...

#4.

In Britpop's stag-night atmosphere, order of a kind undoubtedly still had to be kept. For excitable Oasis, a particularly firm hand was needed - as road manager they employed ex-soldier Ian Robertson, famous for his strong-arm tactics. Ultimately, these were his undoing - he was allegedly fired while holding Liam Gallagher aloft by the throat. As his legs bicycled frantically in mid-air, the singer was nonetheless still able to gasp the words: "Yerfookin-sacked."

Keith. My man.

Hon, just because the tree is there, doesn't mean you need to climb it in order to prove it exists. I don't care what that Ronnie says....

Embarassing

I tend to be, shall we say, a bit obsessive. And right now, I'm completely and utterly obsessed with bands from the Greater Manchester, England metro area. I mean, ALL bands. You name one, I have recently purchased an item from their back or current musical catalog. Or bought one of those incredible Brit rock mags analyzing every detail of their work, personal life, substance use issues/preferences.

The Smiths? Heaven knows I'm not miserable now. Stone Roses? I wanna be adoring them! Happy Mondays? Step right on, man! Joy Division/New Order? No blue Monday here! Oasis? I'm mad fer it, me!

See? Rather pathetic isn't it? And the really bad part is, I talk about my bands so much that I can drop references into conversations with my family/friends/co-workers-about say, Bez from the Mondays, or my slight crushes on Johnny Marr, Mani or Hooky, or my deep and abiding love for Noel Gallagher- and they ARE AWARE that these individuals not only exist, but probably could name a few legal issues experienced, songs written, famous concerts attended/given by previously mentioned persons. .

People, this is SE Iowa. "Honkytonk Badonkadonk" is a hip tune for most residents in this neck of the woods. And as a result of my compulsive self, my 50 year-old mom (who loves Eric Clapton's solo work and the Eagles- not judging, just a fact) could tell you why the Sex Pistols concert at Manchester Free Trade Hall was important. And some of the bands that resulted from that concert. And sadly, probably that the original name of Joy Division was the Stiff Kittens. And who Martin Hannett was.

The previous items show me several things-

1. I really need a career change
2. May possibly need to get a life
3. I CAN influence people. Not so sure about winning friends, though

Anglomania, continued

But I forgot Victoria Beckham! Doesn't she look great? Loving the shoes! Glad you didn't bust out the chaps tonight, Posh!

















Sky News picture

Met Anglomania Gala

I am gonna die. Look at Kate's outfit. The skinny leather pants,the jacket, the hair, the smoky eye, the pale lip. I bow down before the Queen. Though not McQueen..... at least at this moment.










Compare with:
I have no idea what posessed Sarah Jessica Parker to don this travesty. I know it's McQueen. I GET McQueen. This, not so much. I think he was going for a Vivienne Westwood homage, only to have it go dreadfully wrong. Yeech.

*pictures from Sky News

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No more Footballers Wives! AARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH! No more thinly-disguised versions of Coleen McLoughlin (Wayne Rooney, Man U) and Posh Beckham? Repeat, argh!

They can't take my Tanya Turner away! I mean, look at her, standing between her fat football-managing husband, Frank, whom she eventually kills with a combo of Viagra and cocaine and her swings-both-ways lovah, Conrad! And even wearing the same dress as Conrad's former Bollywood star wife, Amber, and the fact that she once slept with Hazel, the chick in the red hat, does not appear to bother her in the slightest.

What will I do for my bleached-blonde, coke-addicted, manipulative wench fix?

I have not adored a TV character like this since Sydney Bristow on Alias, who thanks to freaking ABC, is ALSO being cruelly wrenched from me. And don't even get me started on Mr. Sark, the ever-so-delightfully evil British! accented spy on Alias.... Sob. No more possibility for Sarkney action? I am bereft.

Damn you, Footballers Wives, damn you!!!!! Also, damn you, ABC, damn you, too!

*Piccie from http://news.bbc.co.uk/

Songs Currently On Heavy Rotation

1. Tart, Tart- Happy Mondays
2. Jailbird- Primal Scream
3. Cruel To Be Kind- Nick Lowe
4. She's Tight- Cheap Trick
5. Badge- Cream
6. Had Me A Real Good Time- Faces
7. Not Ready To Make Nice- Dixie Chicks
8. Rockin' In the Free World- Neil Young
9. Higher Ground- Stevie Wonder
10. This Is The One- Stone Roses

Bonus-
Slip Away- Clarence Carter
Man In the Cornershop- The Jam

I suppose....

that even if I lined up for tickets, say, now, I still wouldn't stand a chance of actually obtaining tickets to Glastonbury 2007.

Go Uncle Neil!

Awesome.

Possibly the cutest thing ever

Amazing bass, indeed

It always makes me happy to find written evidence that others think in the same way that I do. I had just finished raving about the quality of bassists from Manchester, when, lo, what do I find on the MEN website? An article about Freebass. Yes, that would be the band with Mani, Hooky and Andy Rourke. And a poll. Obviously, my boy, Mani won.

Spinal Tap jokes are not appreciated. Also, I think Andy needs a nickname. To fit in properly.

Chock full of awesome-ness

To say that my new DVD, "Gorillaz- Demon Days, Live at Manchester Opera House," is chock-full of awesomeness, would be the understatement of the century. When I saw it at in the music section at Target today, I blinked, rubbed my eyes, then repeated the process. One does not expect to see DVD performances of Brit cartoon supadupa stars at Tar-Jay in SE Iowa.

'Feel Good, Inc.' is fantastic. That bassline is fierce.De La Soul, so stinking, effortlessly cool.

'DARE' kicks butt, mainly because everyone (musicians, audience) seem visibly thrilled to pieces that Shaun nearly hits all his marks, no one being more suprised and happy than the Reverend Ryder himself. Crowd was going craz-y. Craz-y.

Also, 'Dirty Harry' rules. And I want to look like Rosie Wilson when I grow up. That is all.

Graphic from http://www.asthetik.com/sentimentalist/images/gorillaz.jpg

I worship these women

The ladies of Go Fug Yourself.

The best from the post?

"Look. When InTouch and US Weekly are speculating that the pregnant starlet girlfriend of one of the biggest stars in the world is wearing a prosthetic belly, you are, at the VERY LEAST, in the middle of the most poorly -managed public relations disaster this city has seen in many, many, many a year."

Ooo, BOY!

My right-winger brothers are going to have KITTENS!

Keep on rockin' in the free world, Neil.

I am sitting here

silently weeping. There exists, a special 2-DVD edition of '24 Hour Party People.' Which includes:

... a subtitle trivia track which you can let run throughout the film. All the songs and mix details are provided for the music that's played, plus their chart positions upon release. There are also some snippets about the popular culture of the time.

And

Jon Ronson chats about Shaun Ryder and Ian Brown as being perfect popstars: "talented, grumpy, messianic, and monosyllabic".

The Happy Mondays' Shaun Ryder and Bez provide their jittery take on the Factory Records days (Shaun is infinitely better when he's chatting with a fag in his hand). Both only have good things to say about Tony Wilson.

I am actually crying right now. Ooo, this could get expensive....

And it's not just me! James "The Man" Wolcott name-checked 'Party People' today. So there!

Songs I'm Currently Listening To

A lot. In case anyone was wondering... ha ha!

1. Age of Consent- New Order
2. Dolphins Were Monkeys- Ian Brown
3. Number 1- Goldfrapp
4. Some Velvet Morning- Primal Scream
5. 16 Days- Whiskeytown
6. Kaleidoscope- Ride
7. Wrote For Luck- Happy Mondays
8. Fade Away- Oasis
9. Ophelia- The Band
10. A Certain Romance- Arctic Monkeys

Bonus track- Parklife- Blur

Holy Moses

For f@#'s sake, do not let them name a single thing EVER AGAIN! They've proven themselves not up to the task.

I'm assuming the Martin kids are going to be attending Brit public schools. Lord of the Flies territory. Those poor children are already going to receive some almighty beatdowns, since their mother is unable to quit ripping on the U.K. for more than a month at a stretch, and their dad is, bless him, a bit whiny, isn't he? But the names, darlings, the names! Unfortunate wealthy children.

Jo Rowling is my hero

Not only does she write wonderful books for children, that are sophisticated enough for adults, she says things like:

I mean, is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'?

And, my favorite:

'Stupid Girls' satirises the talking toothpicks held up to girls as role models: those celebrities whose greatest achievement is un-chipped nail polish, whose only aspiration seems to be getting photographed in a different outfit nine times a day, whose only function in the world appears to be supporting the trade in overpriced handbags and rat-sized dogs.

That last bit is truly inspired. I love you, J.K.

Gorillaz in NYC

The following made me burst out laughing-

You'd be forgiven for thinking that that was as weird as the evening could possibly get, but then you'd have forgotten about Shaun Ryder. The famously addled Happy Mondays singer, who was clearly on something, took the stage with his leather jacket in one hand, a lollipop in the other and his fly unzipped. He bumbled around the stage as Rosie Wilson sang, eventually traded lollipop for microphone to deliver some incomprehensible babbling, and then crouched down as Wilson was dancing and appeared to be trying to sniff her ass.

Catherine Keener is so lucky

Well, in that she associates with fantastic looking men! Not only was she married to Dermot Mulroney in actual real life, in the new movie Friends With Money, she's hitched to Jason Isaacs. Who plays Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies. Lovely, just lovely.

The beautiful game

Indeed! I need to lie down on my fainting couch for a bit. Mmmmm... Freddie

My mother must never read this

It would just ruin Sir Tom for her. I'm capable of keeping a secret. Though it would be way, way worse if she found out Van Morrison is a Scientologist. Tom Cruise makes her slightly crazy.

She's managed to survive my dramatic ass for 30 years, but that Van-related item might prove to be her undoing.

This is strangely endearing

Oh, my fandom tendencies could force me onto this route soooo easily, it wouldn't even be funny.

Years ago when a friend and I went to pay homage at Salford Lads Club, we found that the iconic doors used on the cover of The Queen Is Dead had been painted blue!!! We went straight over the road to a DIY store and bought exactly the right shade of green paint and a couple of brushes and restored the doors to their rightful state.

On your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness

Went to the Houston Chronicle's website with the hopes of seeing the reviews of last week's Oasis concert there. In a fairly small venue. Yes, I am totally regretting moving from the Bayou City at this point. The Chron's music blog had an icon of Liam, but no freaking review. That's just mean. *head desk*

Wasn't a total loss, though. Tom DeLay has apparently dropped out of his re-election campaign in Texas.

So we've got that going for us, which is nice.









(with apologies to Caddyshack)

Wrote For Luck

For an explanation of the loud groaning-type noise you just heard, see #20. The noise (groaning) would be coming from my co-workers.

Sooooo getting the album...Since Martin produced some of the Roses's work, I'm guessing their effing record label wouldn't let one of their songs on. Asshats.

Lindsay, sweetie.

When accepting an award at a children's show, thongs are not acceptable undergarments. Especially when wearing a short, flippy skirt. Emphasis on 'flippy.'

9 to 5

Again, Ms. Dolly is a national treasure.

Oh, because while I don't know what, if any, work she's had done on her face, it certainly looked as if Fonda's cheekbones were trying to escape their casing and possibly merge with her brow bone. And because she was sharing a couch with Dolly Parton -- or a reasonable facsimile thereof -- a woman who is fond of such aphorisms as "Honey, if it's saggin', baggin', or draggin', I'm gonna have it nipped, tucked, or sucked!"

But Fonda perservered. "I just came back from Scandinavia and France," she said. "And they still have their faces there, you know what I mean? I just thought: Man, somebody's gotta give a face to old age!"

Solemn pause.

"Well, it ain't gonna be me!" shrieked Parton.

As I've no iPod, here goes

my semi-weekly list of songs that I've listened to more than a million times. This week.

1. Mardy Bum- Arctic Monkeys
2. Juicebox- The Strokes
3. Ooh La La- Goldfrapp
4. Fly- The Jam
5. Teenage Kicks- The Undertones
6. This Is the One- The Stone Roses
7. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me- The Smiths
8. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree- KT Tunstall
9. Cigarettes and Alcohol (live)- Oasis
10. Wings of Speed- Paul Weller

Bonus-
Bonzo Goes to Bitburg- The Ramones

Roses for Helen

This is so awesome. Helen Thomas (little tiny veteran reporter in the middle) deserves a dozen roses a day.

Let alone 100! dozen roses. Yay DU!

And, I have to say, that's a hell of a lot of roses. Glad I didn't have to condition them -strip thorns, leaves, etc....

Well, this is just depressing

To the band formerly known as The Smiths,

Guys, I know your respective artistic integrities and all that are at stake, but think of the fans! Especially those of us who weren't cool enough/didn't have access to college radio during The Smiths heyday. Those of us who liked Def Leppard. Or Journey. Not me, of course. Ahem.

And it must be said, Johnny Marr (far left in piccie) is so, so cute to me. Now (2006), too. Morrissey was/is pretty and everything, but Johnny- mmmmmm...... Lovely.

Yes, I am aware I have a serious tendency to fancy guitar players of Irish descent from Manchester, but oh well.

Everybody has their thing.
(With apologies to the writers of "Can't Hardly Wait.")

Hee. Pasty is pretty.

Went to one of those "spa" parties tonight. You know, one of those Pampered Chef/Mary Kay parties. I live in rural Iowa, believe me, this is quite exciting for a Thursday.

Well, let me tell you what happened. The Spa Lady in charge did that thing where they hold a black light up to your face to show sun damage. And guess what? She made me stand there while all 20 women got the black light treatment, 'cos my face was so without sun damage-type issues.

My 'flawless' self even looked better than the 17 year-old at the party. (Ages at the party ranged from early 50's to said teenager. Including a girl from my grade in school). Okay, so the Spa Lady pointed out that both my nose and chin were quite oily (tell me something I don't know), but hell, I'll take oily over wrinkly any day!

See, Joy, being chalkish is good!

The Kids Are Alright

I now have hope for the youth of this country. A reminder, they (the awesome students protesting) did not make the choice to come here, for the quasi-xenophobes out there, who are apparently saddled with the surnames of Fire Thunder, Lighthorse or similar. Because, you know, they have NEVER been immigrants. Snark.

I personally came from the fertile IA soil, unencumbered by ethnicity, despite the fact that I emerged from the loins of folks named Ertz, Nielsen, Schmidt, Janssen, MacDonald, Yohe, Stumph and Reif:) I'm American, dammit.

I'm so kidding. I hate that knee-jerk patriotism. Of course my future is informed by my past. To claim otherwise is just moronic. There are lots of both good and bad things about this country. I think that the students demonstrating in LA and around the country exemplify one of the finest characteristics of (some) Americans, the willingness to take to the streets when things are going wrong.

Yay Jimmy!

"Stairway to Heaven" voted the best guitar solo of all time? Sounds like a great excuse to get out the 'dragon pants' picture, which gets my vote for one of the best stage costumes of all rock time.... With added bow action!

Fav Zep song? Oh, there are so many.

1. Celebration Day
2. Misty Mountain Hop
3. How Many More Times
4. Bring It On Home
5. Sick Again
6. Traveling Riverside Blues

I know they're somewhat derivative, but as I've explained before, I Do Not Care. Led Zep, oh God, rocks. Sorry, Jimmy, Bob, John Paul and Bonzo, I cannot do you justice.

I still love you, John!

As a woman of a certain age, ahem, 30-ish, I adored Duran Duran. Loved them. John Taylor with lipstick and eyeliner? Yummers!

Caveat: I was 7 when 'Rio' was released, and I also had crushes on Barney and Hooky from New Order at approximately the same time. So they balance each other out, or so I'd like to think.

It all went straight down the crapper into the neu-country wasteland that was my adolescence, though with occasional Stone Roses/Brit pop forays out of the wilderness. But I digress.

Q Magazine released its list of the worst albums ever, with the Duranies's "Thank You" coming in at #1. I originally thought, "Well, that's a bit harsh;" then I read the tracklisting.

Must look at John Taylor in eyeliner to gain strength to carry on....Okay, I'm back, but help me out here, John. What grade of pharmaceuticals were y'all under the influence of when you thought, "Hell, let's cover Public Enemy!" Or, sweet Lord, Lou Reed? LOU REED, man! I'm not thinking it was Coke Classic. At least in liquid form, ahem.

John, where are you? Are you dancing on the sand? Were there wolves? Tell me they were hungry! They'd damn well better be, 'cos that's one hellacious-not-in-a-good-way album.

Okay, this is ridiculous

From August of 2001 until June of 2005, I was a teacher in a school district-which-shall-not be-named in Houston, Texas. My school was very diverse, and largely impoverished, and about 70% Hispanic, though those items are not automatically related, mind.

This new law that amoral f*&# Sensenbrenner- who, in my mind, is way overcompensating for being heir to the Kotex fortune- is proposing is completely without moral value. Anyone who helped someone who turned out to be illegally in this country, would be charged with a felony. In other words, you could let someone critically injured in a car accident bleed out, without being charged, because they were an illegal alien. Maybe I missed something, but that seems both awful and wrong to me. Not to mention, tempting Karma just a little too much for my comfort.

And, I would be a felon. Last year, one of my students, who came from an absolutely involved and totally supportive family, came to me to ask if I'd write a letter to INS to help her family not be deported. I did, they didn't get sent back, and now her parents are in the process of becoming citizens. I knew they were here illegally, and I didn't care. I consider my student asking me, trusting me, to help her family, one of the greatest honors of my life. So much that, 9 months on, I still cry when I think about that absolute trust.

In conclusion, this law wouldn't be considered if the perception (conventional wisdom and all that) of an illegal immigrant included the word "Caucasian." That is all.

Ronnie and Keef

I cannot even imagine Ronnie Spector and Keith Richards showing up at my house for tea. Totally surreal.

And the circle is complete

Zak Starkey to possibly join Oasis on a permanent basis.

This last line is why I am truly in unrequited love with Noel Gallagher:

"If he came to me tomorrow and said, 'I want to leave The Who and join you lot permanently,' I'd say, 'Brilliant. Get me your dad's autograph and you're in.'"

Joe Conason rules

And this little prick is well, a bit of a prick, isn't he? Entitled Mofo.

Almost without fail, when reading crap like this, I have "Town Called Malice" by the Jam running through my head. Actually, "Eton Rifles" would be way more appro, but there you are.

No improvement necessary.

It is nearly improbable, nay impossible, for this commentary to be improved upon. No additional gilding of the lily, shining of the silver or burnishing of the brass possible. All right, I made those last two up.

Ignore my mauling of the English language, just go look. Funny!

My NCAA brackets were just shot to hell

And I don't care....

Snakes in planes? With Samuel L. Jackson? And added cursing? I'm So Going, it's not even funny. And I don't even like snakes!

As film backstories go, this one is fairly serpentine. This month, New Line Cinema's "Snakes on a Plane," which wrapped principal photography in September in Vancouver, went back before the cameras for five days of additional shooting at the Lot in Los Angeles.

In this case, it wasn't the usual reshoot, hastily assembled to fix a nagging story problem. Instead, the studio decided to create new scenes that would take the movie from PG-13 into R-rated territory.

The article continues...

The audio bit uses a Jackson sound-alike shouting, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" Soon, the growing legion of fans added their voices as they demanded that that phrase also appear in the movie.

That popping noise you just heard?

Would be rock snob heads exploding. The Small Faces album, 'Ogden's Nut Gone Flake,' is being re-issued. Though true rock snobs probably already own it. On mint-condition vinyl.

Candy Girl

My favorite member of New Edition? Have to go with Ralph Tresvant, man. I am so going through my CD's tonight! Yes, I was a nerd in junior high. Okay, and now.

Random (Squirrel!)

So, my dad calls the store today, asking if we had any doll bottles at home. I thought he said "dog bottoms," but that's neither here nor there.

Seems that when he was trimming a tree today, he accidentally knocked a squirrels nest out of said tree. Needless to say, since my pops has watched "Dr. Doolittle" roughly as many times as I have watched "24 Hour Party People," we now have 4 baby squirrels living in a box in our living room

Names were the next issue. I suggested Ian, John, Mani and Reni, but Ma wasn't going for that. It goes without saying that any names associated with the Happy Mondays were immediately dismissed. Morrissey, Marr, Andy and Mike were shot down, too.

The compromise names are John, Paul, George and Ringo. Obviously, Paul is the runt.

Macca PISSED me off with the whole switching Lennon-McCartney to McCartney-Lennon songwriting credit thing. And the fact that his wife, do-gooder that she might be, didn't have his daughter, Stella Freaking McCartney design her wedding dress. Which was a Chantilly travesty, btw.... I wish Yoko would buy back the Beatles back catalog from the nightmare that is Michael Jackson, and hand Paul's ass to him on a platter. Harumph.

Which brings me to my main point. I called one of my brothers to share the story, and he happened to be at dinner with my bloomin' sister and her eunuch of a husband. (I think that's correct usage of that word; it means neutered, right)?

Usually, the conversation would have lasted a really long time, consisting of various statements such as, "Remember when he almost set his pants on fire and had to call the fire department from the pond?"

FYI- Dad just retired from the fire department after 30 years, 15 of which he served as assistant chief. In my experience, firemen are the worst at letting things get out of hand, flame-wise. Or maybe it's just him. Apple not far from the tree and all that.

The fact remains that somewhere in the conversation, the following sentence would have been uttered: "It's just like the time he brought Goose Goose home."

Anyway, Goose Goose was the injured Canadian Goose that Dad found alongside Highway 61, brought home to live in our garage, and nursed back to health. Damn goose lived in the garage for an entire winter, shat on Mom's windshield frequently, and now lives on our pond during non-migratory season.

Back to the story. As my brother was with my bloomin' sister, the convo was cut way, way short. As I hung up the phone, I thought to myself, "Oooo, he's at dinner with the Princess. Mustn't disturb the Princess!"

Which is so much funnier when you use the voices that I used to say aforementioned snark. Those would be the voices that David Walliams and Matt Lucas use on "Little Britain" when they are portraying possibly the worst cross-dressers in the world, Emily and Florence.

"But we're LAY-DEES!"

Picture from BBC America

Barabbas with Maracas

Oh DEAR GOD, Bez is Barabbas? I want to see this soooo f-ing bad.

This is Bez, y'all. Second seemingly (probably) high person from the right. God, I love the Mondays. Not Mondays. THE Mondays.

Arctics

Imagine if the Strokes were British, and had spent their formative years listening to the Jam.

That would about sum it up.

Honestly, the Arctic Monkeys concert that I attended on Saturday night in Chi-town, was one of the best I've ever been to.

And I'm not just saying that because I was 25 feet from the stage. Or because the Metro is about a block away from the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field. Or because Alex was channeling Morrissey, walking out on stage with carnations in his back pocket. Utterly fantastic. Or because Casey Jo and I would not turn down an opportunity to, ahem, get to know Jamie, the guitarist. We know we're total pervs, as the boy is 19. But what a cutie!

Also, they have the proper respect for Paul and Noel. Good boys:)

Strange Town

After getting my hot little hands on a copy of the Jam's box set last Thursday, I have listened to the song, Strange Town, roughly 50 times. Kicks ass.

Make that 51.

Piccie from www.nostalgiacentral.com/music/jam.htm

Heh.

Seriously, boyfriend has one of the worst rugs I've ever seen.

That is so decadent.

I really wish I had that kind of money to throw around. Hee.

400 bucks? NICE. It'd better pick out my clothes, make phone calls and do my nails for that much.

Van the Man

Saw him in concert at Wembley Arena in 1998. Have never completely recovered.

Rather excited about this album

Sounds great. Also, the Chicks look sensational in that picture. Motherhood definitely is working for them.

Now this is interesting

Ian Stewart was the inspiration for Rebus? Muy interesante!

FYI- Ian was known as "The 6th Stone," as in The Rolling Stones. Andrew Loog Oldham forced him out for being too ugly. Yes, someone was actually more unattractive than Bill Wyman.

Entirely too funny

Oh, Dear God, this made me laugh.

Curiously, at no point does Mrs Beckham explain how to dress like Woody, the cowboy from Toy Story, Arthur Daley, the loveable crook from Minder, or a Chanel-clad ski bunny who cannot actually ski - all unique looks with which she has entertained the readers of tabloid magazines over the years.

Arctic Monkeys

Going to the concert next Saturday night at the Metro in Chi-town. Cannot control my dorky excitement. Seriously.

Girls Aloud, loudly

For the record, I am totally impressed with a created-by-reality-TV music group. Well, at least some of them. The three involved could qualify for Iowa Stater status. 48 drinks in a few hours? Fierce.

All Right!

Supernature to be released here next week! YAY! I love me some Alison! That is all.

And let the choir say, "Amen."

Amen. And I'm not saying that because these were my own personal fav Oscar dresses. Though, if Charlize would have not had a ginormous poofball on her shoulder, the dress wouldn't have been quite as tragic. Reese needs to get a new stylist, especially after the vintage circa 2002 Chanel dress fiasco at the Golden Globes.

Snerk.

This is hysterical, and poses an excellent question. When are those useless layabouts going to get actual jobs that don't involve doing tequila shooters off Congressional staffers?

Don't get me wrong, I've personally done many shooters, both tequila and otherwise. But then, my dad's not the bloody POTUS, now is he?

Note from God

Or from a Python. Same thing. Anyone involved in the creation of the 'Holy Grail' or 'The Ministry of Silly Walks' is my own personal deity.

This is honest-to-God creepy

This man needs to be removed from society. Or office. Preferably both.

Fashion by Posh

I certainly feel that shopping internationally or in the children's section are achieveable goals for most women. Well, not for those poor miscreants that can't afford plastic surgery every time they eat more than a side salad. Or those who aren't married to international sports idols. But for everyone else, yes. Snerk.

Mind you, this advice is coming from a woman who wore chaps for a night out with Ginger Spice less than 2 months ago. She did look fierce, though.

The Queen Is Dead

Though I've gotten to The Smiths party really, really late- like the second keg of beer is dry late- Johnny Marr is quickly moving up my list of favorite guitarists. Very quickly.

Interesting to hear his view on the making of The Queen Is Dead.

Sharon, darling

What in the name of Jesus is going on with your hair? And the early 90's prom dress?

Ah, that I had tickets

To T In the Park. Goldfrapp and Weller and Arctics, OH MY!

Bands Among Confirmed:
Placebo
Belle & Sebastian
Goldfrapp
The Kooks
Weller
The Go! Tean
Charlatans
Strokes
RHCP
Franz
The Who
Arctic Monkeys
Kaisers
Sigur Ros
Damian Marley
Screamers
Richard Ashcroft
Magic Numbers

Left arm, left arm!

Many years ago, I proclaimed, during the episodes of 'Friends' that Bruce Willis appeared on, that I would sacrifice my left arm in order to, well, have carnal knowledge of him. In my defense, I was under the influence of Busch Light and 'Moonlighting' at the time.

That being said, I'd like to transfer the 'left arm' thing to Mos Def. Love him. Love. Him.

Oooh, I want this CD

Sounds like a great one. Not just saying that because of the lovely Noel piccie:)

This shows me that

though I have many, many, many differences with her husband's political decisions, Mrs. Bush needs, for America's sake, a fashion intervention. Trinny, Susannah, where are you?

Seriously, we have many quality designers here in the colonies. Why shop at a place that clearly focuses on the big-gal-in-the-mid-1970's market? Tragic outfit, my friends, tragic.

And don't get me started on Condi's periwinkle nightmare. It looks like a bridesmaid dress I was once shoehorned into. Unwillingly, mind.

It isn't just me

Think of England? Snerk.

Ah, but will the pharmacies stock Viagra?

From yahoo!

During a speech last year at a Catholic men's gathering in Boston, Monaghan said that in his community, stores will not sell pornographic magazines, pharmacies will not carry condoms or birth control pills, and cable television will have no X-rated channels.

IwannagoIwannagoIwannago

Gorillaz in NYC? At the freaking Apollo?

IwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannago
IwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannago
IwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannago
IwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannagoIwannago!

Sorry for the annoying. But I. Wanna. GO.

This Week's Sign

The Apocalypse is Upon Us (with apologies to SI)

James Blunt has become the first British musician to reach Number One on the US singles chart in almost ten years.

My ears! My ears!

Ms. Dolly is a model citizen

Oh, that other Americans with the means to do so, would use their money to lift others up.

I did the Butthead laugh

For about 5 minutes after seeing Daniel Craig in swimwear.

Not a FINGER!

"A Christmas Story" is one of my all-time favorites. I want a leg lamp more than I could ever possibly express coherently.

Hee hee

Cheeky Monkey!

Princess, indeed

I absolutely love that Julia wore her tiara on the medal stand. Much props to Ms. Mancuso.

Godspeed, Sheryl

Good luck, Sheryl. We fangirls will be praying for you.

I so want one of these

T-shirts. I think we feminists need to get the word out that we exist in all shapes and sizes, forms and functions.

Oh, Shaun...

Darling, what exactly do diamonds taste like? Just curious. Ooo, rather fancy watching "24 Hour Party People" again. Gee, why would that be?

This is why we need open bar at awards ceremonies

Can you imagine this happening at the Grammys? I think not. Awards ceremonies in America would be vastly improved by, for example, Kelly Clarkson vaulting onto Green Day's table.

Also, I absolutely love the fact that Hooky re-appropriated the award for the Kaisers. Again, try to picture this in the U.S.

Back the *&^% off

Reality check, people. Despite the fact that a 21 year-old ice skater, who may or may not have been injured, did not win the gold medal in women's figure skating, America will continue to blunder on.

Somehow, Sasha will continue to exist, much to the disbelief of various media wankers. Silver isn't bad, y'all. She fell twice, kept on trying, and finished beautifully. What was she supposed to do? Commit hari kari when she missed the first jump? Get a grip.

Oh for GOD'S sake

Attention, morons. Y'all, Morrissey isn't going to hurt a fly. The worst he'll do is verbally eviscerate you. So you'll wish you were dead.

Fav CD's, volume 1

Caveat- these are my favorite, not necessarily the best albums ever. Though I think they are. No freaking Radiohead, obviously, though with a definite Brit slant. No particular order for the following, strictly stream-of-consciousness.

1. The Rolling Stones- Exile On Main Street. Excellent all-around album, but my favorite tracks are Loving Cup, Happy (Keef sings!), and Tumbling Dice.

2. Oasis- (What's the Story) Morning Glory? Que? Don't Look Back in Anger (Noel sings:), Some Might Say, Morning Glory, Champagne Supernova and one of my secret favorite Oasis songs, She's Electric.

2. Aretha Franklin- The Very Best of Aretha Franklin (Atlantic). The House That Jack Built, Share Your Love With Me, and Baby, I Love You. Queen of Soul, indeed.

3. The Beatles- Abbey Road. Because I've actually dodged traffic on said road, trying to get my picture taken. Unsuccessfully. Also, Come Together, Octopus's Garden and Here Comes the Sun.

4. Led Zeppelin- III. Why pick one of the most critically disparaged Zep albums? Bron-Y-Aur Stomp, Out On the Tiles, and my all-time fav Led Zeppelin song, Celebration Day.

5. Willie Nelson- The Essential Willie Nelson. Why? Associated memories with my late, beloved grandmother. Also, Pancho and Lefty, Bloody Mary Morning and Angel Flying Too Close To the Ground. Sublime.

6. The Jam- The Jam At the BBC. Superb live album. Contains my favorite Jam songs, Thick As Thieves, Town Called Malice, Saturday's Kids and Down In the Tube Station At Midnight.

7. Oasis- Definitely Maybe. Fantastic debut. Unbelievable songs. Cigarettes and Alcohol, Rock and Roll Star, Slide Away and my favorite, Digsy's Diner. Oh, and a little ditty called Live Forever. You may have heard that one....

8. Ryan Adams- Heartbreaker. Indeed. Worth a slot simply for Come Pick Me Up.

9. Otis Redding- The Very Best of Otis Redding, Vol. 1. I don't need to justify Mr. Redding, but Try A Little Tenderness and I Can't Turn You Loose.

10. The Stone Roses- The Stone Roses. Rarely has pop been this perfectly crafted. The whole album is f-ing brilliant. She Bangs the Drums, Waterfall, (Song For My) Sugar Spun Sister, This Is the One. Unbelievable. Not to mention I Wanna Be Adored and I Am the Resurrection. I worship the ground that Ian, John, Mani and Reni walk upon.

Now this is interesting

Susanna Hoffs and Matthew Sweet? Talk about power pop heaven!

Go Sasha!

I hope she can retain her focus for her long program. I dearly wish I was 1/100th as bendy as Ms. Cohen. That being said, this is my official outing as an Olympics Nerd. I even watch curling, for the love of Mike.

Sick F%$#

May I point out that this sick bastard is not standard for Iowegians? This totally made me angry/need to take a shower. Jerk has 'sociopath' written all over him.

Kate and Keith

My girl, Kate, is like Keith Richards. If a nuclear holocaust should occur, they'd be the only ones left standing. Oh, and cockroaches.

Seriously, what a comeback. Color me impressed.

RIP

One year ago today, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson passed from this world. Speaking for my various libertine friends, we miss you, Hunter. Rest in peace.


"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

More Footballers' Wives

I adore this show. Delightfully trashy.