Ah, Russ...

Damn you for being so charming. You're my favorite manslut.

Gwent Fields

Gwent Fields, originally uploaded by wentloog.

'Dirty Old Town'- Babyshambles and Shane MacGowan

Random ten

1. Slipping Away- The Rolling Stones
2. Words- Doves
3. Suburban Knights- Hard-Fi
4. Know You Now- Amy Winehouse
5. Rockin' Chair- Oasis
6. Moving Pictures- The Cribs
7. Witchcraft- Frank Sinatra
8. Chelsea Dagger- The Fratellis
9. The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down- The Band
10. Reach Out (I'll Be There)- Four Tops

Bonus-
11. Melt My Heart To Stone- Adele
12. Shadrach- The Beastie Boys

Gorgeous

Ahhh, family

There is a small, but vocal contingent of wingnuts in my family, which unfortunately includes both my brothers. They're oppressed, you know. It's impossible to understand how hard it is out there for straight, white, college-educated men.

Another winger is one of my uncles, a doctor, who is perpetually kept down by The Man. Or so one would think, the way he carries on. He made the mistake of sending an email forward to one of my cousins (with sense), casting doubt on Obama's fitness for the presidency.

My cousin, for lack of a better expression, bitch slapped him via email.

I like how that video implies that Obama is a Muslim, then points out that he is a member of some karay-zee black Christian church. And that was all in the first minute. One thing they definitely got right is that he is brown. Plus he doesn't wear a flag pin!?! What's next? No magnetic ribbon on the bumper of his car. What a fag. Not the patriotic-getting-blown-by some strange dude-in-the-mens-room-of-an-airport kind of fag either. I mean the doesn't-bomb-a-country-on-entirely-false-pretenses kind of sissy.

I know that these e-mails are only bait and I swallowed the whole thing. But as the fisherman that I know you are, I expected a better technique. This video was a lot like dynamiting a pond. It is the sort of thing that dumb rednecks do (believe).

Yours in Christ (Not the black, Muslim Christ. The other one.)

Dude. That was COLD. I wonder how my uncle is faring with his new asshole.

PETEY!

Sequins and the Civil Rights movement

The Motown empire had its own charm school, and supplied the girls with an etiquette coach called Maxine Powell. What was the best lesson she taught them? "How to get in and out of a limousine." She giggles at the memory. "Ms Powell was a little bit broad in the back, and she'd demonstrate how not to get into a limo, and we'd just die laughing because she was so hilarious. We had to learn how to kinda slide in, in case the photographers got you. Her other thing was, How to Sit and be Interviewed on a Stool – whatever happens, always keep your knees together."

Duffy- 'Borderline'

J.B. & the Sugas

Glam

Blake Lively in Chanel haute couture

Santogold- L.E.S. Artistes

I swear,

they go through more drummers than friggin' Spinal Tap. Though to the best of my knowledge, none have ever spontaneously combusted. Well, maybe Tony McCarroll. Never mind, he was in the 'Definitely Maybe' documentary.

Oasis drummer Zak Starkey is unlikely to perform with the band again after falling out with singer/guitarist Noel Gallagher. According to The Sun today (May 12), Starkey is highly unlikely to play with the band on any forthcoming live dates, and his involvement in their forthcoming new album, recently completed, will be his last with Oasis.

You mean Noel's being a crotchety geezer? No! It can't be!

A sign of the impending apocalypse

Dave Mustaine has a coffee club. No, really...

For just $19.99 (£10) a month subscribers to Dave Mustaine's Monthly Coffee Crew, receive specialty brews personally selected by Megadeth's frontman. He needs good coffee, he explains, because "I like pushing life to the red-line, like a[n] SR-71 Blackbird [jet plane]."

Wow

I wanna go.

I drove west into Leitrim in the dead of winter. Whereas the middle of Ireland is surprisingly flat, as soon as I nosed across the county line, the landscape began to ruffle and fold and climb, this way and that, and I found myself ploughing through mists, rhythmically popping up and down through them, making a trail like the coils of the Loch Ness monster breaking surface.

Mysterious stretches of water would appear each side of me, one every couple of miles, flat sheets with gloss, frothing silver mist, and forests sometimes rose tall and dark beside them. It was a landscape from a dream, unmanicured, informal, raffish and intimate in its beauty, changing textures all the time. If Kew Gardens were the grand salon of a mansion, this would be its teenager's bedroom.

I want this house

I know it needs revamping, but OMG

But this one... how gorgeous is the moss growing on the roof?

Now this sounds interesting...

BBC2 has commissioned a major drama about the Troubles in Northern Ireland that will feature James Nesbitt, with Liam Neeson also being lined up for a starring role. The one-off piece, to be called Five Minutes of Heaven, will be set in Belfast and tell a dramatised version of the real life story of 17-year-old Alistair Little, a member of the Protestant Ulster Volunteer Force.

Little was convicted in 1975 and spent 12 years in prison for the murder of 19-year-old Catholic Jim Griffin in Lurgan.The murder was witnessed by the victim's 11-year-old brother, Joe, and the film will look at the impact of his sibling's death on him and his family.

2008-05-07 Broomfield Place, St John's Church, Judas Tree

2008-05-07 Broomfield Place, St John's Church, Judas Tree, originally uploaded by that_james.

Adorable

We Are Scientists are so damn cute.

When they played an acoustic show as part of Jo Whiley's Little Noise Sessions at the Union Chapel last year, the band almost upstaged special guests Bono and the Edge, interrupting one of their own infectious hits with a hilarious skit about meeting the U2 frontman.

Backstage, apparently, Bono was a little put out by the amount of female attention lavished on the young New Yorkers. "Bono was pretty pissed off," says singer/guitarist Keith Murray. "He was shrieking. He has a surprisingly high-pitched voice; it almost sounds like it's been sped up or something."

Gag

The economy is in the tank, poverty is rising, and soldiers and innocent civilians are dying in an illegal war. And still, we get this shite from the media.

Jenna Bush's wedding is low-key affair at ranch

Away from the glare of television cameras that have beamed other first amily weddings into American living rooms, Jenna's outdoor wedding at the ranch reflects her family's penchant for privacy and her preference for the casual over grandiose.

Yeah, "low-key" is exactly the fucking phrase that comes to mind with this family.

A very special random ten

I somehow fucked up iTunes, and am now in a "trying to reinstall but failing miserably most likely to do with extreme exhaustion AKA six funerals, two weddings and Mother's Day in past two weeks" hell.

So, off the top of my sleepy head, in no particular order, my fav tunes of the week.

1. Baddies Boogie- Babyshambles
2. Vertigo- The Libertines
3. Dakota- Stereophonics
4. To Make You Feel My Love- Adele
5. Cutt Off- Kasabian
6. The first song off 'Everything Must Go' (something about Elvis and the Blackpool promenade. Also, Lancashire)- Manic Street Preachers
7. Mersey Paradise- The Stone Roses
8. Stronger- Kanye West
9. Creep- Prince
10. Meeting Paris Hilton- CSS

Bonus-
11. The Miranda Lambert song where she's singing about small towns. Also fame. And football of the American variety. Hmmm, could it be 'Famous In A Small Town.' God, I need sleep.
12. Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies- Biffy Clyro (just because of the "I've got a gun in the back of my car" line)

It's not good when my neurotic ass can't remember song titles. Not good at all.

Kew flowers

Kew flowers, originally uploaded by cortomaltese.

I'm so happy

On IFC right now- 'Tristam Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story'


Immediately following- '24 Hour Party People'

Lee and Beth

Nice one, La Ditto...

Alexander McQueen loves to non-conform, and his eccentric taste in everything extends to his favorite musicians. While his first pick Amy Winehouse wasn’t available to perform at the May 13 opening of his Los Angeles flagship, the elusive designer has tapped a singer worthy of her unique–and, at times, outlandish–ways: Beth Ditto.

via

'Up The Bracket'- The Libertines

A florist's friend

Along with a really excellent pair of clippers and a sharp design knife, I would say that Aquaphor is right up there with florist essentials. Our hands are in water a lot, you see, and get really dried out and ashy.

I have really sensitive skin, and tend to break out in hives when I apply hand cream after conditioning flowers. Aquaphor doesn't make me hit the Benadryl, which is a very good thing.

Hee hee hee

The musician Pete Doherty left Wormwood Scrubs prison this morning after serving 29 days of a 14-week sentence for breaching his probation. Prison life was "a lot of gangsters and Radio 4", he told waiting reporters, borrowing a phone from one so he could ask a friend to pick him up. Emerging from the west London prison's gate at 7.10am, smoking a cigarette, the former Libertines frontman said: "Thank you Mrs Thatcher for putting me in the company of the most dangerous criminals in the country."

And this next bit didn't surprise me at all, but I still laughed until I cried.

He said he was looking forward to a rum and Coke and spending time with his cats.

Oh Peter, you're such a cat lady.

Now, as for your first activities outside, other than the 'Shambles gig next week (and staying on the straighter and narrower), why don't you and Drew go to a hair stylist?

They can try to get a brush through your hair, and convince your bassist that while the feather cut suits Wellah! just wonderfully, that he's much too fine, er, YOUNG for it.

Nice suit, hon.

Interesting...

Most of the time, "deluxe reissues" are a rip, but I'm going to need this one-

For years, because of Mavers' insistence that the "official" album was not the one he had been imagining, fans have wondered how else the La's might have sounded. They scoured the Lost La's album of demos for clues a few years back; they admired the rough and ready versions of the songs on last year's BBC Sessions CD. Now they've got a chance to hear a complete run-through of one of the discarded versions, produced by Mike Hedges and released as part of a new "deluxe" reissue

*snicker*

Kate Moss is desperate to sing on stage with her new boyfriend Jamie Hince's band The Kills at Glastonbury next month. But the 34-year-old
model's appearance could be as embarrassing as when she once was booed off by Babyshambles fans in Florence after she sang with the band's frontman, her ex, Pete Doherty.

Thems a whole lotta flowers

The cooler at Iowa's Coolest Flower Shop as of last Thursday (two weddings yesterday)

Blue house in Moustiers

Blue house in Moustiers, originally uploaded by marius.askildsen.

Isobel and Mark

"It's a funny setup," she admits. "I'm not going to lie, it's very unusual. You could raise your eyebrows. I prefer to say it's a unique thing."

Such a cutie

Ms. Nash at Coachella

This is HILARIOUS

A blow-by-blow* recap of the video for 'November Rain.'

It's very sad. The same cathedral that witnessed happy nuptials now resonates with weeping rock icons. Including, weirdly, John Denver. Oh, no, that's Axl Rose. He's very sad.

*poor choice of words

Market in Lorgues

Market in Lorgues, originally uploaded by marius.askildsen.

Random ten

1. Stuntman- Kasabian
2. Listen Up!- Gossip
3. I've Just Seen A Face- The View
4. All Apologies- Nirvana
5. Parachute Woman- The Rolling Stones
6. Don't Let Me Down- Stereophonics
7. South Side- Moby & Gwen Stefani
8. Celebrity Skin- Hole
9. Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe- Barry White
10. Red Blooded Woman- Kylie Minogue

Bonus-
11. L.E.S. Artistes- Santogold
12. Round & Round- New Order

Random bits

-This weekend at the shop, we have 2 weddings, including the daughter of our lead designer. I'm in charge of the other one, which features a young and picky bride, and am currently figuring out how I'm going to make it from setting up the latter, to attending the former. Of course, they're in different towns.*

-Today, I was examining my nails, and lamenting their lack of length/polish, and trying to schedule a time to rectify this. After getting a big eye roll from Patti, we decided that they would be fantastic if they weren't dirty, let alone manicured.

-When ordering Chinese takeout from a local grocery store today, I assumed my best professional phone manner, and said one of the dumbest things ever.

"I'd like to speak to someone in Chinese."

Not "I need to order Chinese takeout." Instead, telling the poor, probably amused operator that I'd like to speak a language that I don't even know how to say "hello" in.

On the plus side, I made the mother of the bride laugh her skinny arse off.

*We're talking 15 miles distance here, but still... I'm going to be careening around the countryside, dodging tractors and such, attempting to apply makeup while keeping the delivery van out of ditches and ravines...

Montserrat, Catalonia, Spain

Montserrat, Catalonia, Spain, originally uploaded by curreyuk.

Mojo awards

Best Live Act
Arctic Monkeys
Rufus Wainwright
Seasick Steve
Led Zeppelin
Neil Young

Best Album
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds-Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
Arctic Monkeys- Favourite Worst Nightmare
Radiohead- In Rainbows
Duffy- Rockferry
Robert Plant and Alison
Krauss- Raising Sand

Song of the Year
LCD Soundsystem-All My Friends
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
The Last Shadow Puppets- The Age of the Understatement
Richard Hawley- Tonight the Streets Are Ours
Duffy- Mercy

Breakthrough Act
Duffy
Foals
Pete Molinari
The Last Shadow Puppets
Bon Iver

Mojo Maverick
Mark E. Smith, of the Fall

ILU Russell

"Don't say that out loud." Oh, Russ... you're such a slag. Don't ever change.

An interesting combination

Petula Clark and PAUL RYDER?????? Oh my...

NOW here's an unlikely duet. Former Happy Mondays bassist Paul Ryder, brother of Shaun and now frontman of his own band Big Arm, is set to team up with Downtown singing legend Petula Clark.

Believe it or not, Paul's the looker in the Ryder clan.

Chalk Farm Road

Chalk Farm Road, originally uploaded by laurentphotography.

dolwyddelan barn

dolwyddelan barn, originally uploaded by meirion matthias.

I'm a swoon-y wreck

Most random setlist ever. They did 'Son Of A Gun.' My FAVORITE La's song. AAAAAA.

Helsinki played:

’Ampersand’
‘Genocide Matinee’
‘This Love’
‘Same Jeans’
‘White Riot’
‘Son Of A Gun’
‘Paris At Night’
‘I Wish’
‘Dancing In The Dark’

Paris in the springtime

Paris in the springtime, originally uploaded by torontofotobug.

Hee hee

Mindy is so awesome. This is EXACTLY how I feel about sour candy gummies...

When the concept of Sour met Sweet, it was like when Paul McCartney met John Lennon. Then when Sour and Sweet met Chewy, it was like they ran into Mick Jagger at the post office and had one long jam session. When Sour and Sweet and Chewy met Cherry, it was like the cops came to break up the jam session and the sheriff was Michael Jackson in 1981 and he like moonwalked all over the place.

"Lacroix sweetie, Lacroix"

The clutch from Christian Lacroix-






























The inspiration by Klimt-

The Kids Are Alright

Today was the day that the kids attending local proms picked up their flowers from the shop. It was a little after 2 (when we normally close), and we heard someone pull up outside.

A local boy, whose father owns a junkyard, had pulled into the parking lot in a semi. A sparkling clean semi. I mean, that fucker had been waxed, so you just know that's what the kid was driving tonight. He popped in to pick up his flowers, pleased as punch. We tried not to giggle or hug him. It was that cute.

This is why we love prom. I may currently be so exhausted that I just struggled with the spelling of "pleased" for a few moments, but the kids are generally awesome.

Sometimes my Spidey senses are right on

Today, in the midst of Prom hell (55 sets of corsages and boutonnieres down, 7 to go), we had a delivery to go to a tiny town to the west of Iowa's Coolest Flower Shop. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed a whole bunch of ominous clouds in the direction I would be driving in. After seeing huge bolts of lightening streak across the sky, I closed the garage door, went inside and announced that I would do the delivery later.

I'm so smart. The town where a tornado touched down in? About 5 miles from where I'd be delivering to...

Vintage Postcard from Paris

Vintage Postcard from Paris, originally uploaded by Kessiye.

Random ten

1. Gimme Some Love- Graham Coxon
2. Afraid Not Scared- Ryan Adams
3. Darker- Doves
4. Tomorrow Never Knows- Noel Gallagher
5. The 32nd Of December- Babyshambles
6. Ready For The Floor- Hot Chip
7. Lit Up- Buckcherry
8. Dakota- Stereophonics
9. Cabaret- Liza Minelli
10. Last Nite- Adele

Bonus-
11. Denial- Sugababes
12. Caravan- Van Morrison

It's never a good sign

when my mom begins a conversation with, "Don't freak out." As earlier mentioned, we have a jam-packed schedule for the next 6 weeks at the shop. And now, I have a sense of impending doom about next weekend (two weddings). Why? Also next Saturday, the semi-annual town-wide garage sale.

Oh God, when Mom told me, I screamed in horror. Nearly cried. You have no idea how bad it is. Scads of foul-smelling people descend upon our little village, driving minivans at 2 MPH with the doors open, as to better leap out for the awesome fucking deals on every block. AND one of the weddings is in town, so the setup will be beset with with logistical difficulties.

Also, they come into the shop, walk around, ask stupid questions, use the bathroom, plug the toilet and LEAVE WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING. Thank God I'm setting up the out-of-town wedding...

Hmm... am sensing a potential fanbase clash

Paul Weller and Girls Aloud are to headline shows on the Isle Of Wight this summer.The former leader of The Jam will play Osborne House on July 26, with Girls Aloud following the next day (27).

Chic

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's coat. WANT. Also her flats and trousers. Okay, the whole damn outfit.

Awwww

How cute are Miles and Alex?

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed

The schedule at Iowa's Coolest Flower Shop for the next few weeks.

April 20-26- Prom. 60+ corsages and boutonnieres. 70+ tuxedo rentals. Secretaries Day tomorrow.

April 27-May 3- Two weddings, including tux rentals for both. One of the weddings is the daughter of one of our designers.

May 4-May 10- A little holiday you may have heard of. Mother's Day. Our biggest week of the year.

May 11-May 17- Graduation at the local high school. Craziness will ensue.

May 18-24- Wedding

May 24-31- Wedding. Memorial Day.

June 1-7- Wedding.

So, yeah. I'm going to have even less of a life than usual for the next few months. AND it's a virtual certainty, whenever we are incredibly busy, the f-u-n-e-r-a-l work starts to roll in...

And so it begins.

Oasis- 'Step Out'

One of my fav Noel/Stevie Wonder tunes. In fact, my ONLY favorite Noel/Stevie song...

I want to

look like Eva Green when I grow up.

Now THAT'S a diverse lineup

BBC Radio1's Big Weekend

Saturday 10 May - Main Stage
Madonna
Usher
The Fratellis
Robyn
Duffy
Scouting For Girls
The Feeling
The Hoosiers

Sunday 11 May - Main Stage
The Kooks
Nelly
Adele
Newton Faulkner
Goldfrapp
The Enemy
Pigeon Detectives
One Republic

Devon Jonquils

Devon Jonquils, originally uploaded by RobRoyAus.

Today in unfortunate headlines

Pope tells of youth under Nazis

I should really

read Mr. Ruhlman more often. As to avoid near-tragedies.

Remember that sugar is incredibly hot and causes some of the worst cooking burns there are.

RAR/LMHR

If he isn't actually a racist asshole, Clapton can do a remarkable imitation of one.

Clapton has not only never apologised for his outburst, but has continued to praise Powell; only last December on The South Bank Show he reiterated his support for the man and four years ago he told Uncut magazine that Powell had been 'outrageously brave'.

And Drew. He's such a lovely boy. Sigh.

With Doherty in prison McConnell is assembling an all-star super-group, featuring his own band Helsinki and special guests, to play at the anniversary gig. 'I wasn't even born at the time of the first carnival,' he tells me, 'but when I found out that the BNP had started a record company and were handing out CDs outside schools with racist music I just felt offended. That they were using music of all things.'

Storytime

As promised, here is an installment in my series, College Stories From Cy.

Dumb Things My Guy Friends Did While Drunk And/Or Stoned.

Chapter 1- The Robitussin Incident

One evening, Casey, Wendy and I were out at the bar. Shocker, I know. We ran into our buddy, Ken, and decided to go to a house party over on Campus Ave. Ken's crib (he actually called it that) was close to the party site, so we headed there for a quick drink/potty pit stop before continuing on.

At Ken's, we saw his erstwhile roommate, John, laying face-down on the couch, and our friend, Jim, in a heap on the (disgusting) floor. I'm sure I made a tasteless Jonestown joke. We figured that they had been drinking/smoking, but then Casey spotted the two empty Robitussin bottles on the floor.

We were a bit concerned. Well, as concerned as very drunk people can be, so not at all. We were, however, keen to take advantage of our friends condition.

The girls and I laughed at them, while Ken went over to John and stole his smokes. John said (direct quote), "I see you taking my smokes, but I can't seem to find my arms." Then Jim leaped from a prone position to standing.

The drunk people were wigged out by this bizarre behavior, so we went on to the normal environment of a college kegger, leaving the syrup-addled people to reenact their own personal Dr. Gonzo/His Attorney scenes.

We hoped with less vomiting.

Gossip

Live on "Late Night." Beth kicks so much ass, a new term needs to be invented for, er, how much ass she kicks. As always, girlfriend's outfit is interesting...

Random ten

1. Merry Happy- Kate Nash
2. It's Not Unusual- Tom Jones
3. Headshrinker- Oasis
4. Clementine- Babyshambles
5. Blackbird- Evan Rachel Wood
6. Help Yourself- Amy Winehouse
7. 9/15ths- Biffy Clyro
8. Rusholme Ruffians- The Smiths
9. Some Cities- Doves
10. The Denial Twist- Nikka Costa

Bonus-
11. Dead Flowers- The Rolling Stones
12. Never Ever- All Saints

National Gallery

National Gallery, originally uploaded by dnunez_za.

So Soon Will They be Gone

So Soon Will They be Gone, originally uploaded by Rhadman.

Ah, nostalgia

Tonight, I got to take another parent, this time my dad, to the emergency room. During the annual burning-of-the-switch grass (helps growth), he not only managed to set his pants leg on fire, AGAIN, but he cut the hell out of one of his fingers, necessitating a trip for 5 stitches and a tetanus shot. Hmm, wonder if the cut had anything to do with the empty beer cans I saw on the tailgate of his truck? No...

See the "again?" He's done this once before. When I was in college, I was minding my own business, checking my email at one of the computer labs in Durham Center, when I saw a message from my mom entitled, "Dad's On Fire." He got a little over-enthusiastic with the gas can, and lit the entire hill by one of our ponds on fire.

He was panicking about this (it was getting awfully close to the house), when he noticed that his pants were smoldering. He jumped in the pond, and called the fire department. Dad had just recently retired as the town's assistant fire chief. Typical. He is a bit accident-prone. Just off the top of my head, he has-

-cut two fingers off with a hatchet, and had them re-attached (AT AGE 9)
-gotten heat exhaustion twice at fires, one of them before our family vacation to Florida. In August. I don't like to remember that one. He was a smidgen grouchy
-accidentally driven the lawn tractor into the pond. Mom was not amused

However, no injuries of his can compare with what my girls, Casey and Wendy, and I experienced one random Saturday night at Iowa State. We were, atypically, not out at the bars (because Wen's ex-fiance was acting, shall we say, a bit unhinged. But that's another story), and were hanging out at our friend Ken's apartment, which he shared with another friend, John.

John is, er, unique. And in college, we all drank quite a bit. Okay, a lot. Hello, Iowa State? Anyway, we were hanging at Ken and John's apartment watching, if memory serves, 'Orgasmo,' when John came staggering in the door, heading straight for the bathroom. This was not unusual.

However, when he hadn't emerged 10 minutes later, Wen went to check on him. John was laying on the absolutely disgusting toilet, bleeding profusely. We were alarmed. John insisted he'd go to the doctor in the morning. We were even more alarmed.

So, Wendy, being a take-charge individual, told him "You may go to the hospital by Monte* or you may go by ambulance. You choose." He decided former route. Wendy stayed back with Ken, and Casey and I took drunkass down to the Monte.

As the car was really new at the time, I was a bit concerned about having, you know, BLOOD, all over it, so I made John put his seat belt on and hang his arm out the window. This was all well and good until Johnny decided that he needed a smoke. Then I made him hang his whole upper body out the window.

We arrived at the hospital, where shockingly enough in a college town on a Saturday night, the ER was packed. So Case took the bleeding inebriate in, and I parked the car. When I joined her in the waiting area, Casey was in tears laughing. This is the scene as I remember it-

Check-in nurse- "Why are you here?"

John- "I fell somehow and cut my arm."

Check-in nurse- "Was alcohol involved?"

John (holding up gash in the arm)- "What do you think? Oh God, don't tell my mom."

Check-in nurse- "Son, if you're on her insurance, she's going to find out eventually."

Case about wet her pants. So, while we were waiting for them to sew Johnny back up, we noticed a whole bunch of jacket-wearing sorority and fraternity-types, sitting huddled together and looking upset. We took one look at each other and said at the same time, "Alcohol poisoning." We are actually that mean sometimes.

Anyway, 17 stitches later, John emerged and tried give hugs to express his thanks in taking care of him. We declined, as when John fell and cut his arm (we believe maybe at an adjacent construction site), he somehow managed to roll in dog shit. Yes, in my new car, all in the same night, we had smoke, blood and animal excrement.

Believe it or not, this is one of my tamer college stories. Why yes, we all read entirely too much Hunter S. Thompson, why do you ask? Actually, I think Ken still has my dog-eared copy of 'Fear and Loathing.' Bastard.

Next in the "Cygirl's (vague) Recollections From College" series- "Dumb Things My Guy Friends Did While Drunk And/Or Stoned." Yes, Casey, this includes the legendary cheesecake and turkey incidents...

*my car, the Monte Carlo. I know, such a clever nickname.

I love you,

Noel, but this does smack a bit of "You damn kids get off my lawn!" And don't forget, "Back in my day, we walked 5 miles to school, uphill both ways, AND LIKED IT!"

Oasis' Noel Gallagher has said that he thinks the decision to book Jay-Z for a headline set at this year's Glastonbury festival was incorrect. Speaking to BBC News, Gallagher said that deviating from the festival's tradition of booking guitar-based headliners was "wrong".

Tulips

Tulips, originally uploaded by dachalan (gone diving).

Storytime

Back when I taught 5th and 6th grade social studies in Texas, my school had a big pep rally for the annual test, the TAKS. (Don't even get me started on how fucked up it is to have a pep rally for a standardized test).

The section of the school I taught in dealt with the talented and gifted kids, and as our "team leader" was an incorrigible (though very nice to me) kiss-ass, she pulled together a skit for said pep rally, consisting of our kids doing a military drill-type routine. It was actually adorable.

However, the science teacher on our team and I, being insufferable smartasses, bribed the "drill sargent"* to do the "AND THAT'S A FACT, JACK" bit from 'Stripes.' No one got it but us, and we nearly pissed ourselves laughing.



*whenever I was having a horrid day, this kid would do the Pepto-Bismol dance for me. Worked like a charm...

Oh lord

I was minding my own business, watching the trailer for 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall,' when for some reason, I decided to read the comments. Why I did this, I haven't the slightest. Bunch of knuckle-draggers, usually. This was no exception.

Check this out.

Well your mother might dispute that, I fucked her so hard the bitch couldn't walk for a week. Either way she can keep my boxer shorts and have a sniff now and again to remind her of the day I rocked her world. For her benefit stop smoking your pole you bitch ass pillow biter.

Charming. And icky.

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that the only way this jackass could rock someone's world is if he had their model of the Earth in a cradle? And I'm curious, why does this fine specimen care whether the other commenter gratifies themselves orally? Again, charming.

'Caravan Girl'- Goldfrapp

Probably my favorite song off 'Seventh Tree.'


via

A suggestion

for the AP. When writing an article about Dr. Evil's, er, The Penguin's, er Vice President Cheney's fishing trip and the alleged "nude woman" reflected in his sunglasses, I would have avoided the words "rod" and "grip."

But I'm 15 that way...

On second thought, feel free to do so again. I laughed my head off.

Random

Today at work, when we were in the weeds of funeral stuff, the Wee The View lads cover of 'I've Just Seen A Face' came on the stereo. We all started to sing along. Yes, I'm influential (*rolls eyes*) to the point that obscure Beatles b-sides become sing-a-longs at Iowa's Coolest Flower Shop.



Also, last week we had the revelation that my very posh co-worker, Denise, had all her family down for dinner, and started singing 'Rehab' under her breath. Obviously, her kids were incredulous that their mom was familiar with The Winehouse's oeuvre. She gleefully reported to me, "I told them that we've been listening to that for over a year now."

I'm making a difference, I suppose.

CL, Torres del Paine (11)

CL, Torres del Paine (11), originally uploaded by The Vitruvian Man.

Random ten

1. If I Fall You're Going Down With Me- Dixie Chicks
2. This Time Tomorrow- The Kinks
3. Daydreamer- Adele
4. Octopus's Garden- The Beatles
5. When Doves Cry- Prince and the Revolution
6. Handbags and Gladrags- Stereophonics
7. Living Is A Problem Because Everything Dies- Biffy Clyro
8. Sea Of Love- Cat Power
9. Sometimes Always- The Jesus and Mary Chain
10. S.O.S.- Rhianna

Bonus-
11. Lagremes de Oro- Helsinki
12. I've Just Seen A Face- The View

Roses

Live at the Empress Ballroom in Blackpool.

"Manchester in the area!"

And some of my favorite Mani-dancing-whilst-playing-his-bass moments ever...

Let me assure you,

that on the list of places where one doesn't like to be startled, such as-

-the ATM machine
-the highway
-reaching under the bed to retrieve a book or similar

that the FUNERAL HOME RANKS RIGHT FUCKING UP THERE.

I was delivering flowers for a funeral visitation today, and assumed I was alone in the building. Other than the deceased, that is. I was fussing with an arrangement, and one of the funeral home directors walked up behind me and said, "I thought you had everything here already."

To paraphrase Cousin Eddie in 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation,' I nearly pissed my pants and forgot my name.

My late-night

telly viewing essentials for the next week or two..

Leno-
4/9- Angie Stone

Letterman-
4/16- The Gossip

Conan-
4/10- Eddie Izzard

'Age Of The Understatement'

One of my absolute fav songs of the moment. From The Last Shadow Puppets aka Alex Turner and Miles Kane...

GOD

DAMMIT, Peter.

Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty has been jailed for 14 weeks for failing to turn up to probation hearings on time and drug use. Doherty attended West London Magistrates Court today (April 8), where Judge Davinder Lachar handed the singer/guitarist the sentence. A spokesperson for the court said that Doherty had been jailed for "breach of time keeping, non-compliance of his order and using different drugs". Doherty had been given a suspended jail sentence for possession of drugs and driving illegally in October last year. His supervision order required him to make regular visits to court for progress reports, as well as take part in a drug rehabilitation programme. He was threatened with up to four months in jail if he broke the law during this period

Listen, Petey, I couldn't bring myself to listen to either 'Shotter's Nation' or 'The Blinding' EP today, that's how pissed off I am. Much like brushing my teeth or texting Kaz, this is something that I do every day.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.

Seriously, darlin', get it together. And so help me God, if there are fewer pictures of your rhythm section floating around the Internet because your arse is in jail, well... I won't do anything, but I'll be REALLY PISSED. AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

Oh dear

My beloved Girls Aloud got Fugged.

Positives-

-Chezza's hat=totally cute (far left)

-Nicola's hair is very pretty, as per usual (third from left)

-Kim's top is on-trend (fourth from left)

-My beloved Sarah's got the indie look going on, which strangely suits her. Her shoes are FANTASTIC. (far right)

Negatives-

-Chezza's yellow top. Not fond of yellow, as it makes me look like I have a liver condition.

-Nadine's outfit. Especially her choice in footwear. I. Hate. White. Shoes. And yes, darlin', we get it. You have nice legs. Be a bit nicer if they weren't ORANGE. Though they do match your skirt... (second from left)

Star of Bethlehem

Star of Bethlehem, originally uploaded by scilit.

This is utterly lovely

Adele performing 'To Make You Feel My Love' on Later... With Jools Holland.

via

Fascinating

People were named after things, and things were named after people. His lover in later life, Blanche Blackwell, gave him a small boat named Octopussy, which became the name of a man-eating pet octopus in the short story. In rather ungallant return, Fleming named the ancient guano tanker in Dr No the Blanche.

The crime boss Marc-Ange Draco in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is named after El Draco, the Spanish name for Sir Francis Drake – a reference picked up years later by J. K. Rowling for her Hogwarts antihero, Draco Malfoy.

Rosa Klebb (the Russian for bread) was partly based on Colonel Rybkin of Soviet intelligence. Major Boothroyd, the secret service armourer, is named in honour of Geoffrey Boothroyd, the gun expert who provided Fleming with invaluable technical advice.

...

Fleming’s villains, like his heroes, are patchworks of different people, names and traits. Le Chiffre, the Benzedrine-sniffing villain of Casino Royale, is believed to be based on Aleister Crowley, who gained notoriety in inter-war Britain as “the Wickedest Man in the World”.

Crowley was a bisexual, sado-masochistic drug addict. A master of Thelemic mysticism (“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law”), he specialised in mountaineering, interpreting the Ouija board, orgies and thrashing his lovers. The press simultaneously adored and hated him. Crowley made Le Chiffre seem positively sane.

Mmmmm, Biblical

Gee, why wouldn't someone want to be married to a peach like this?

A Serb farmer used a grinding machine to cut in half his farm tools and machines to comply with a court ruling that he must share all his property with his ex-wife, local media reported on Thursday.

Branko Zivkov, 76, told Belgrade daily Kurir he had been ready to give his wife Vukadinka her equal share of everything earned during their 45-year marriage, but was furious at being asked to give away half his farming equipment.

Instead, he bought a grinder and cut in two all his tools, includinglarge items such as cattle scales, a harrow and a sowing machine. "I still haven't decided how to split the cow," he told the newspaper. "She should just say what she wants -- the part with the horns or the part with the tail."

Today in

silly headlines...

Some superdelegates more super than rest

But do they wear capes? Hmm...

Back Tor

Back Tor, originally uploaded by ChrisHepburn.

Oh dear...

From the 'Shine A Light' premiere in LDN.

I don't know which is worse- Jaime's horrid Daisy Dukes or Jasmine's mutton-dressed-as-lamb...

























However, I think Noel's pimp coat takes the cake...as well as his combination of the indie boy stripey t-shirt and zebra-striped scarf. Or his missus's dotty self. No Polka-Dot Left Behind....

Random ten

1. In Love With A Feeling- Babyshambles
2. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend- Miranda Lambert
3. Sam's Town- The Killers
4. I Think We're Alone Now- Girls Aloud
5. Penny Lane- The Beatles
6. Thick As Thieves- Kasabian
7. Sure Looks Good To Me- Alicia Keys
8. We'll Meet Again- Carl Barat and Pete Doherty
9. Koko- Goldfrapp
10. The Concept- Teenage Fanclub

Bonus-
11. The Age Of The Understatement- The Last Shadow Puppets
12. Goodnight Goodnight- Maroon 5

So cool

Battle of the Fugs

As previously mentioned, the GoFug wenches are having their own version of March Madness, and it's down to the final four-

Beyonce v. Posh Beckham

and

Chloe Sevigny v. Bai Ling

Smart money is on Bai Ling for the crown. Why? This outfit is, shall we say, not atypical.

Occasionally,

I can be dumber than a whole sack full of hammers.

Last week, I was at work, and was feeling a bit peckish. Lo and behold, I spotted a box of caramels that we have for sale. However, the caramels had been in the 'fridge, and were inedible in their current (at that time) state. I thought, "Hmmm, maybe I could warm one up in the microwave. Mmmm, tasty."

Unlike myself at that moment, I'm sure you can see where this is going.

So I put the caramel in the microwave, and heat it up for 5 seconds, I swear. Being a big spaz and not paying attention, I open the nuker, and grab the candy. Which had motherfucking liquefied in 5 seconds.

What is your first reaction when you burn your fingers? Yup, shove them in your mouth. Unfortunately, I have approximately the same hand-to-eye coordination that a drunken two year-old possesses, and I now am sporting a nasty burn on the corner of my lip. Which really farcking hurts.

So, yeah. Am cool. Why do I share things like this? Normal people wouldn't mention candy-related burns, but nooooooo...

They're already entirely too adorable,

but this little anecdote makes me love Alexa and Young Master Turner as a couple even more...

What other stories have irked her? "There was a really upsetting one when Alex had written me a Valentine card and I had accidentally left it in a bar. And someone sold it to the Sun and then they printed it, and they changed it so it didn't look like a Valentine card, and they just said it was a love letter. They slated him for being really soppy.

"Look, it's my boyfriend and it's Alex. Of course it's gonna be written like a story."

Was he peeved? "He was really cool with it," she says, "and he said, 'I'm not upset that everyone saw it because that's the truth and I couldn't give a shit.' And then he went [Chung dons a comedy northern accent], 'Eh, but at least you've got a copy of it now, eh?'"

AAAAAAAAAAA

Oasis have announced a handful of shows in the US and Canada, kicking off in Seattle on August 26.

The band have so far announced just four headlining shows, one of which is in the US with the remaining dates in Canada.

The Seattle show will mark the band’s first live performance in over two years. Following the short stint they will headline the Virgin Festival in Toronto.

Edit-
AND RYAN ADAMS IS OPENING?

Please excuse the donning of sackcloth and wailing from these parts....

Want.

For spring...

Shoes from Anthropologie













Dress from Converse One Star (at Tar-jay)



















This hat from Jovovich-Hawk (also at Tar-jay)
















This handbag from Isaac Mizrahi (again, at Tar-jay- sensing a pattern here?)

My day

Argh.

Yesterday, I was feeling like total crap, so took NyQuil and went to bed early, despite the fact that I desperately wanted to hear how Kazza's roller derby debut went.

Anyway, woke up this AM when Mom asked me if I'd take her to the emergency room in Iowa City. Our local ER is complete shit, so it's "stop the bleeding and go to University Hospitals."

She's been having some issues with her eyes hurting and being droopy, and it's gotten a lot worse in the past week. So, I drove our happy asses up there, they ran some tests, wound up admitting her, and now I'm freaking out. And it's all about me. Ha ha ha.

My maternal grandmother died from complications of A.L.S., and that's one of the things they have to test her for. I know it's a statistical abnormality that Grandma got it in the first place (women usually don't, and she got it in her late 70's), but I'm still freaking out.

Mom made me go back home, but I had to run to Barnes and Noble and buy her some trashy romance novels first. Priorities...

So, I'm off to do my usual hysterical displacement activity. Watch crap on YouTube.

Hee

see more crazy cat pics